Hanging a curtain rod on a sunny morning.
Every moment onVanderpump Rulesrequires drinks.
That was my epiphany while watching this weeks episode.
Credit: Bravo
But these folks go full-force and make mango vodka sodas when drilling some holes for window treatments.
Maybe this is why they get in so many fights?
So, this was a real rough week for Scheana.
Shes basically on everyones sh-t lists.
It all starts when Ariana attempts a treaty among Lala, Katie, and Scheana.
The quartet meet inRules version of the UN the back alley of Sur and its mix-and-match furniture.
Excitingly, some of the chairs now have purple velvet covers!
It sorta offsets the fact that theyre situated just inches from dumpsters.
Anyway, Lala says theyve got it all wrong and shes not seeing a married man.
Shes just using that dude to cover up a different relationship or something equally loony.
Scheana feels bad and says she apologizes for anything untrue shes ever said about Lala.
But Katie is just hellz no.
Lala then offers to, um, digitally stimulate her but Katie isnt into that, either.
The back alley is a disaster.
Brittany smiles and says yes thats pretty much her reaction to anything.
Now, Stassi has arrived at Sur during what feels like early afternoon.
Stassi is pissed Scheana would apologize, as is Katie.
They both feel betrayed by her, so naturally they send lengthy text messages.
One might suggest some of this anger was also fueled by booze.
One might also suggest that combining power tools and vodka may not be a good idea.
Im guessing that was more the stank from the trash bags in the alley filled with rotten goat-cheese balls.
The guy Ben Kingsley played.
After his mango concoction (we never find out what happens with the curtains!
), Jax heads to Stassis podcast taping, which obviously happens at a bar.
Stassi decides to have vanilla-flavored vodka mixed with a Diet Coke because shes apparently unconcerned with diabetes.
A picture of Hannibal Lecter pops up with the results.
Amidst all this drama, Scheana and Kristen (where the hell has that loon been?)
have been planning a joint surprise party for Shay and Carter.
But its notreallya surprise because both Shay and Carter think theyre attending a party for the other one.
Kristen tells Scheana she needs to realize apologizing was wrong, sending Scheana into tears.
Its a rough time to be Scheana.
Go hit the margarita pool, gurl.
Stassi tells Brittany that Jax flunked the sociopath quiz, but BritBrit does not seem concerned.
I mean, someones gotta hang the girls curtains.
Stassi gets weirdly emotional (see: margarita pool) and retreats into the house bathroom.
Katie comes to help her but Stassi hates those girls.
Next week, I would really like to learn whether Tom Sandoval has been dating a secret sea creature.
That would really up the stakes, Bravo.
