Helena comes up with a crazy scheme to seize the throne, and Jasper confesses his true motive.
Our favorite (fictional) royal family is back!
In comparison, Cyrus took about two weeks to get over his brothers death.
Credit: E!
Also putting in some serious work?
The people find them sympathetic, Helena shares during a tete-a-tete with Cyrus.
His response is deliciously snarky: Emphasis on pathetic.
(Weve missed you, Cyrus!)
Ah, the things a king will do in the name of saving face.
All I ask for is a modicum of respect and an apology, he tells the twins.
Liam basically says hell nah, but surprisingly, Eleanor apologizes.
She even stoops to kiss Cyrus ring.
Is she on drugs?
If theres anything that fans learned last season, its that Eleanor isnt to be underestimated.
Shes feisty, smart, loyal and resourceful a lethal combination for anyone, much less a royal.
It turns out our princess has her own play in mind.
If we want answers, we need access, she tells her brother.
We get rid of them.
This is a period of transition and healing for us, she tells a journalist.
You realize youve been stalking me?
she spits out, citing similar situations in Paris and Spain.
His response isnt exactly charming, as he calls her a shshow, and basically demands forgiveness.
Eleanors not having it, (Im with you, girl!
), and goes off to have vanilla sex with a Nacho Figueras look-alike.
So wait are these two actually working together now?
WHO ARE YOU, JASPER?
Good, cause that chick was just about as interesting as a pumpkin spice latte.
Jasper and Liams new partnership however, seems childs play in comparison to a scheme the queen has concocted.
Shes persuaded Mr. Moorefield (remember him?
Hes the leader of the anti-monarchy movement) to seduce Cyrus daughters.
Those poor, awkward, girls the only man whos paid attention to them is coerced into doing so.
Thats not the extent of Helenas insane schemes, either.
With the help of her assistant who shadows as a dominatrix shes blackmailed the prime minister.
Theres a mysterious blonde whos popped up and she looks awfully close to Ted.
Could it be is it Ophelias mom???
Im dead now, honey.
I can do what I want, she tells Ted.
Say it aint so!
Speaking of surprises, Joan Collins pops up this episode, appearing as sassy and sexy as ever.
I do expect a king who demands accountability.
Its about time someone showed some balls around here.
Before Cyrus can make his move, Prudence appears with a hefty baby bump.
Cyrus doesnt buy it.
From polo matches to rock concerts, Jasper is always there, protecting her from some mysterious killer.
(In an American accent, mind you.).
But guess whos at the door?
Its Beck, who says hes left his wife for good.
Hes off to commit some dastardly deed, it seems.
Its a reminder that she cant get too sentimental theres real business to be done.
The duchess joins her on the palace balcony, and says as much.
What do you plan to do about it?
Queen, your move.
Lizs best lines:
I thought I smelled the press.
Dont be afraid to hate.
We all have our desires, Prime Minister.
And true story: swans were once property of the aristocracy only royals could eat them.
Weird, but this is totally accurate.
Royals, what did you think of the season premiere?
Is Queen Helena poised for success in seizing the throne for herself?
Is Prudence out of the picture for good?
And are Liam and Eleanor on the right track to learning the truth about Domino and the kings killer?
Burning questions, people!
