Everyone loves a t-shirt cannon
WHO SAID SIT DOWN?!?!
Get your ass up out of that chair!
We STAND now when we read TV recaps!
Credit: Luis Trinh/NBC
ITS BALLMER TIME, BABY!!!!
Which is kind of like Hammer Time, only with slimmer pants.
Let me tell you a little about myself.
I am insanely wealthy.
I own Billy Crystals favorite basketball team.
And I love to dish out high-fives.
Hell, Im high-fiving myself right now WHILE Im typing!
BECAUSE IM BALLMER!!!
Im like a walking NoDoz mixed with a shot of adrenaline and washed down with a super-sized Jolt cola.
You want some of this?
WELL COME AND GET SOME!!!!
Now let me tell you a little something aboutCelebrity Apprentice.
Four words, everybody.
Now say it with me: I!
Now… lets sing!
Hit it, Boy George!
Something… something… something… whatever the next word is that rhymes with rise!
Yeah, thats the stuff!!!
Sorry, Dalton, youre on your own dude!
Until next time… BALLMER, OUT!
[Spikes laptop on floor, shattering machine into a million pieces.]
And I guess Ill have to finish this thing on my Commodore 64 since Ballmer just totaled my Mac.
It was worth it.
The guy is just the right amount of lunatic that this show needs.
In fact, he should become a permanent addition.
Make him the new receptionist.
I mean, Melissa is fine, but lets be honest, shes no Amanda Miller.
Put Ballmer in there and the waiting room lobby becomes a show unto itself.
Well Have a Gay Old TimeIt is safe to say Lisa is quite straight.
Carson and I are quite gay.
Carson is more gay than I am, but put us together and we are majorly gay.
Boy George
Majorly gay.
This was a bit of problem seeing as how Carson and BG had never evenbeento a basketball game before.
(hey see quote above for proper context.)
But they had a secret weapon in famous basketball player/Project Manager/aspiring rapper Lisa Leslie.
And they had some other things going for them as well.
Like Carsons never-ending reservoir of spunk and energy.
And Boy Georges immense musical talent.
And some really bad face paint.
Never underestimate the power of face paint when appealing to sports fans.
Once Boy George and Carson applied the face paint, the task was theirs.
I gotta be honest, Im not sure about that song though.
Wasnt exactly oozing street toughness, now was it?
Thats all that matters, I guess.
Task.The whole reason we watchCelebrity Apprenticeis to see celebrities make fools of themselves.
I gotta give Matt Iseman credit.
Iseman gave it his all.
But they didnt have the face paint.
And, as we have clearly established, without face paint, youre done.
NEXT: ACelebrity Apprenticefavorite returns
So someone from Team Arete had to be fired.
Matt had mentioned earlier that Brooke was a very dangerous player because she covers her ass during the task.
Neither of them was going to win anyway, so I cant get too worked up over that decision.
I didnt realize when they talked about a cannon that they meantan actual cannon!
Seriously, have you ever been to a game where they start throwing out free t-shirts?
I actually caught one of these shirts at a Globetrotters game about two years ago.
I actually got kind of excited for a second.
I handed it to my daughter and exclaimed, Here, honey.
This is for you.
You get what you pay for.
Lovely LeezaEvery season ofCelebrity Apprentice,there is a contestant who is infuriatingly likable.
Iseman is that guy this season.
you’re able to just tell that dude is everyones best friend.
Its positively maddening how decent Iseman is.
And Leeza pounced on every possible mistake.
Youve got an expensive product that you cant have now, said last seasons winner.
He was Terminated as a result.
And so was Lisa, even though it was not her fault Carson put her in the producers truck.
Youve done incredibly well.
You know… or not.
He had scripted bits that seemed too scripted.
There were multiple missed opportunities for absurdity that slipped through his well-muscled fingers.
But in the past two weeks, the bored room has finally become a Boardroom again.
That make me so happy.
But if talking about body sculpting is how he gets his rocks off, then fine by me.
Bring it, baby!
We just need to see some emotion in there!
Even super disturbing emotion, if thats what it takes.
He followed this up by ordering Laila to Flex your muscles.
As far as I can tell we are somewhere between the Outer Limits and the Twilight Zone.
But then, in the second Boardroom, things got even crazier.
I cant even get undressed in front of my husband.
I have to hide behind the bathrobe.
I dont even know where to begin or end with that.
Was this role playing?
Some sort of bizarro worldCelebrity Apprenticefan fiction?
But again, our host was coming alive!
Basically, just imagine me talking aboutCelebrity Apprenticeand that was Arnold on the protein powder.
Three more celebrities fired, meaning we are down to the final four.
Laila, not so much.
Well find out soon enough though.
Until next week: Cluck, Cluck… Splash!
