Its got all the ingredients of a riveting read, like time travel and a mythology twist.
They flash again and hes gone but her life is changed forever.
I feel her in my room before I even open my eyes.
Thats how its always been.
I open my eyes on darkness, push back the covers, and sit up.
The crickets are thrumming outside my window, and the blue-green moonlight shines through the foliage across my carpet.
Her ancient features are shrouded in night, her thick, gray-black hair loose down her shoulders.
If anything, she might look a little younger.
Probably because Im older, and generally less terrified of wrinkles and age spots than I used to be.
But despite my bitterness, I dont want her to vanish, so I stay still.
Nice of you to stop by, I whisper.
The words hurt my throat, which hasnt woken up yet.
Where have you been?
Ive been right here, she says.
Its one of her typical, cryptic answers.
Its been almost three years.
Not for me it hasnt.
Againfor the thousandth timeI survey her tattered shawl and the threadbare dress hanging on her bony body.
No, I say, youre outside of time, arent you?
Her right shoulder shifts in a shrug.
Your words, not mine.
Have any others come to see you?
I rub the heels of my hands over my eye sockets, stalling for time.
Im ashamed to admit that no ones come and that I know exactly why.
I caused her disappearance.
But it doesnt matter whether I admit it or notshe already knows everything anyway.
As if to prove that point, she says, I think Gus farted.
I lean over the bed and look down at the shaggy dog.
His tongue is lolling in his sleep, and his perpetually oozing nose is busily sniffing.
I cover my nose with my forearm.
Youre a monster, and I love you, and youre disgusting.
I wait for the worst of the odor to pass before I answer her question.
There havent been others.
Dr. Langdon thought the EMDR therapy worked.
She said thats why you stopped coming.
Apparently any trauma I had was resolved.
Im a lucky girl.
Or I was until five seconds ago.
EMDR: eye movement desensitization and reprocessing.
She thinks for a moment.
Did you pass it along?
I keep staring hard at her.
Do you remember what I told you, Natalie?
You said she would die in a fire.
Shes still alive, I supply.
She also suggested I try Ativan, though of course Mom didnt approve.
Apparently this is just a stressful time in a teenagers life.
Girl, you have no idea.
Were you ever my age?
Her thick eyebrows rise up over her cloudy dark eyes.
Yes, she says quietly.
And it was stressful?
She jams her mouth shut.
When I was your age, I knew nothing.
Nothing about myself, nothing about the universe or about heartbreak.
I remember being terrified to grow up, afraid of losing my friends, sure Id lose my mind.
Life felt like a blender that wanted to eat me.
I look down at the tear in my quilt.
Mom made this blanket from a pattern while my birth mother was pregnant with me.
It was going to belong to a different baby, from an adoption that fell through.
Instead, it became mine when I became my parents.
I missed you, I tell Grandmother.
I missed you too.
I thought you said it was only a minute for you.
For a while were both silent, staring at one another.
Then she asks, How are the twins?
Good, I tell her.
Cocos transferring to a performing arts high school next year.
Jacks still playing football.
Moms so proud of us all that shes liable to explode any day now, so thats good.
At the end of summer she and Dad are taking us to San Francisco then up to Seattle.
The trip is a tradition theyve had since they got married.
Thus the annual Cleary Family Road Trip was born.
Grandmother closes her eyes for a long moment, and their corners crinkle prettily when they open.
I thought this year was Boulder down through Denver and into Mesa Verde, she says.
Jack gets food poisoning, and Coco wont eat anywhere thats not a chain after that.
That was last year, I say.
This year its all Highway 101.
Probably a good time to buy stock in Dramamine, if youre looking for a hot tip.
Moving to Rhode Island in August, to go to Brownbut you probably already knew that.
She nods, and again we fall into stillness and silence.
Ive missed this feeling, of sitting awake at night with her while the rest of the world dreams.
The last three years have felt chaotic without these moments of quiet.
Is it true that God leaves you when you grow up?
Is that why I havent seen you?
Ive never said I was God.
But when Grandmother appeared beside me that first time in the dead of night, things felt different.
When Id mentioned Grandmother over breakfast, Mom immediately left the kitchen to call Dad.
Its only natural to wonder about your heritage, honey, shed said, voice shaking.
Its okay to explore your identity.
My eyes were open, I told her then.
I couldnt convince Mom or Dad or Dr. Langdon, but I still knew: Grandmother was real.
Are you going to leave me now that Im an adult or .
whatever it is I am?
She crosses the room, perches on the edge of my bed, and takes my hands in hers.
Her skin is impossibly soft, like velvet, like powdered sediments or antique silk.
This, she says, may be the last time youll see me, Natalie.
But Ill always be with you.
I blink back tears and shake my head.
It shouldnt be much of a surprise.
Im leaving for Brown in three months.
Did I really think shed come with me?
Still, I hear myself ask her, Why?
She smooths my hair back from my forehead, the same way Mom always does.
Lie down, girl.
Im going to tell you one last story, and I want you to listen well.
It is always important.
She sits and clears her throat.
This is the story of the beginning of the world, and the woman who fell from the sky.
Ive heard that one before, I remind her.
Actually, Im pretty sure it was the first story you ever told me.
It was the first, and so itll be the last, because now youve learned to listen.
Learn to listen, listen with your bones, let the story fill you.
Things shes always saying.
I lie back and close my eyes, letting that voice wash over me now.
And in that world there was a young woman who was very strong and very strange.
First, he took her into his lodge and gave her corn.
Grind this corn, he told her.
She stood, unmoving, as the corn burned her until the mush was finished.
So the sorcerer agreed to marry her.
He told her to divide it evenly among all the people in the village.
It was a tree with blossoms made of light so bright that they illuminated all of his land.
He knew they were right; hed never met a person as powerful as her.
He asked them what he should do.
Divorce didnt exist there.
The only death that had occurred was her fathers, and no one yet understood it.
But the medicine people were wise, and they found a solution.
Then replace the tree, and your power will be restored.
She knelt beside the tree and peered down through the emptiness where the roots had been.
Full of hope and joy and dreams and the same kind of light that grew all through her tree.
Here was the very source of all the light that had comforted her when she was lonely.
Then, carefully, he suggested, I wonder what its like down there.
She said, I wonder too.
He said, Maybe someone could go down there and find out.
But his wife was shocked.
How could anyone do that?
Jump, he said.
she said, leaning over the hole again.
She tried to guess how far below the new world was, but she had no idea.
Shed never seen such a great distance, she was sure.
Someone as brave as you could easily do it, her husband said.
I could jump, she said.
I could fall into the shining blue.
Yes, you could, her husband said.
For another long minute, she stayed there, kneeling and gazing and meditating.
The medicine people who had advised him made their way toward his lodge and the hole where he stood.
And because she jumped, our world began, Grandmother concludes.
Depending on who you ask, I say, sitting up.
Grandmother tips her head.
Depending on who you ask.
Grandmother takes a deep breath and glances down at her hands.
Theres a reason Ive told you all these stories, Natalie.
I sit up again.
You said the stories were the reasons.
She sighs, and her voice becomes weaker, gruffer.
Separate from us, they matter.
We are part of them, Natalie.
Were much smaller than them.
But theres another reason too.
I see tears lining her dark lashes, and suddenly she seems so much younger.
Grandmother, whats wrong?
I dont want to scare you, she says.
But you gotta be prepared for whats coming.
Ive never seen her like this.
Ive only ever seen her the one way.
She grips my hands hard, and her eyes find mine.
The stories, she says.
Its all in the stories.
The whole world, Natalie, she says brusquely.
That girl jumped through the hole, not knowing what would happen, and the whole world got born.
You understand that, right?
I understand, I lie, to calm her.
Her hand grazes my cheek.
Because you have only three months.
What are you talking about
Three months to save him, Natalie.
You, she breathes.
I look over my shoulder, neck alive with tingles, but no ones there.
Dont be afraid, Natalie.
Alice will help you, Grandmother says.
Im no longer the girl who talks to God.
Chapter Two
I tumble out of bed and hurry to stop the shriek of my phone alarm.
I dont know how I got back to sleep after last nights events, but apparently I did.
As exhausted as I am, I still cant shake the fear left over from last night.
For as long as I can remember, Grandmothers been a force of calm in my life.
What could she have been talking about?
My late-night Google trail of Alice Chan led to a dead end.
Three months to save him.
I shake my head as if to erase the words.
Its best to be prepared.
My bedding is white, and so are the tea-candle lantern and antique lamp on my desk.
There I am kissing Matt Kincaid, for the four consecutive years I kissed Matt Kincaid.
Im usually the last one out of my room in the morning.
Im pretty sure his eyes are closed.
She looks exactly like Mom, except for her angular nose, which comes from Dad.
Ive always wondered what that must be like, to look like our parents.
I shuffle forward reluctantly into the hug.
I cant believe its your last day of high school!
I remember the day we brought you home like it was yesterday.
Yeah, I was a real crybaby.
Oh, stop it, you were not.
You were so quiet and so curious.
Mom spins back to the stove, immediately harried by the blackening omelet caked to her cast-iron skillet.
I didnt know you spoke French, Mom, I say.
Did you hear Mom say shit?
Jack asks Coco, his mouth full of more bacon.
Yeah, shes so weird, Coco answers flatly.
I guess thats what cohabitation in a womb for nine months does.
Mom waves a dishrag at the smoke plume.
Give me five minutes.
Ill make you another one.
Morning, I say.
He flinches in surprise before turning back to me and ruffling my hair.
How you doin, sugar cube?
I shrug, and Dad sets his mug down on the railing, folding his arms.
I shake my head and lean out over the shadowy yard.
Dad takes a long sip.
You remember those tantrums you used to have?
I dont know why, but I was just thinking about those.
Youd lie down and scream and kick and bite and sob, no matter where we were.
Some things never change.
You know, when a horse bucks or bites, its just frustrated communication.
I raise an eyebrow.
He rubs the back of my neck like Im a filly.
If it’s crucial that you talk, Ill always listen.
He kisses the crown of my head, then turns to go inside.
It would be a relief to tell him about Grandmothers warning, but I cant get the words out.
Sometimes its so hard to speak, scary even.
Be careful, I manage.
Though he furrows his thick chestnut eyebrows, he doesnt ask any questions.
For you, sugar cube, always.
Three months to save him, and I dont even know who.
Ive got to find Alice Chan.
Im getting my things for class when I feel a pair of hands slide down around my eyes.
So close its insane.
Okay, give me a clue.
Im one of your biggest fans.
His sandy hairs pushed up off his forehead, and hes sporting his football jersey.
Natalie Cleary, has anyone ever told you youre really weird?
He sticks out his bottom lip.
Im going to miss your weird.
Only because you were born without any.
He holds my gaze for a little too long, and his fair skin starts to flush.
What are you talking about?
She told me she hates anything thats green.
She also once said the sentence I dont like fruit.
Lots of people feel that way.
Yeah, people under the age of ten.
And, like, lots of people in general.
Anyway, he continues, I was just gonna see if you were going to Senior Night.
I am, in fact, a senior.
But youre not on any teams anymore.
And you and I broke up.
He rolls his eyes.
Okay, cool, he says, smiling.
We should do something after.
For old times sake.
Im not sure old times is what we should aim for, Matt.
Old, old times, he clarifies.
Megan was already close with Matt, and soon he and I were friends too.
By seventh grade, his glances became bashful, lingering, and that made me feel like the sun.
It was another year before he kissed me, and four more until we broke up.
Once I stopped fighting to be that person, Matt and I started fracturing.
He blushes at my lengthy silence.
You know, me, you, Megan.
Okay, its a date, then.
Why do I do that?
I venture to make my voice light, teasing.
You, me, Megan, and the ghost of River Phoenix.
I tilt my head at him.
Do you even have the Internet up on that farm of yours, Matty?
What keeps you warm at night if not angst-ridden male celebrities who died before we were born?
Well, I dont know for sure, but I suspect there are whole websites devoted to football too.
Duly noted, he says.
I gasp and grab his sleeve.
Waitdo you think River could be the Band Room Phantom?
The overhead lights cut out.
The entire hall falls dark and silent.
I swear under my breath and reach out for him, finding nothing but empty air.
The back of my neck prickles as the swarms of color fade, allowing my eyes to adjust.
Im alone in the nearly pitch-black hallway.
My voice echoes against the scuffed tile.
He shakes my arm lightly.
Power, I pant.
Matt tilts his head.
The lights just cut out.
I mustve missed it.
I force my sandpaper throat to swallow.
Matt looks around and lowers his mouth to my ear.
Whats going on, Nat?
you could tell me.
I dont want to scare you, Grandmother said, but you better be prepared for whats coming.
