(Somewhere, Jeffrey Dahmer ispissedthat his titles been taken.)
But like all great tyrants, Chad doesnt go down without a fight.
So when he knocks on the door, its Daniel who answers.
Credit: ABC
Id say theres a 70-percent chance Daniels genuinely oblivious when he asks Chad, How was your date?
But whatever is not in Chads extensive vocabulary.
Instead, he decides Jordan is the problem.
But as Jordan leads all the men away from the drama, Chad twirls his way out.
Its a full moon, so clearly he has to go turn into a werewolf now.
(The chants get wordier the drunker they get.)
(Im thinking JoJo wished his voice was just one octave lower.)
Inside, tension grows between the guys with roses and the guys without roses.
steals her away before she can even fully thank him.
Then theres Luke, who steals JoJo from a rose-less Daniel.
But Luke has important things to say.
NEXT: Rose ceremony No.
That means were saying goodbye to James F. and Daniel.
If she were going for looks, hed obviously still be in the game.
(That might be theonething less likely than Daniel ending up with JoJo.)
James F., on the other hand, is someone Ill miss.
He owns a boxing club but writes poetry.
Theres something there, producers!
Meanwhile, the remaining guys are heading to where South Americas most elite go to play.
Nope, not Brazil.
Nope, not Argentina.
This is where theelitego, guys.
Arriving in Uruguay, the guys walk down the beach.
Not only do they have their shirts on, but Vinnys wearing a kickass fedora.
While Jordan heads off to get on a boat with JoJo, the guys decide Jordan sucks.
Wells claims hes just here to get another stamp on his passport literally, or is this a metaphor?
and Vinny can tell by Jordans demeanor that hes not here for the right reasons.
Jordan, however, has no doubts.
But JoJo has a few questions.
I wasnt the best person, he tells JoJo before denying he cheated.
JoJo wishes she could read his mind, to which he responds, Im really not thinking anything.
(Well, at least we know hes a bad liar.)
But Jordan assures JoJo hes a different man now and that hes ready for marriage.
And no, he didnt cheat.
Did he mention he didnt cheat?
NEXT: Chads suck
Feeling confident in the man in front of her, JoJo gives Jordan the rose.
(This is why so many countries hate Americans.)
Heading back to the hotel, JoJo is on cloud nine.
And when JoJo finds out the men have seen it, she breaks down.
Putting on her robe, she heads down to confront the men and tell them shes not faking anything.
She wants to be here and she is here for the right reasons.
The guys instantly decide the article that was such a big deal a few hours ago is a non-issue.
But he assures her that, much like his non-cheating, this is not a big deal.
Yes, poor Evan is on this date.
Thankfully for him, though, the date is cut short when it starts raining.
Poor JoJo is so done with Chads.
(Its him.)
But any guy who mentions America deserves to be watched carefully, if you ask me.
Why does he care what we think?
(Where he went, I have no idea, but she seems pretty excited.)
However, Alex is not excited.
So by secure, he means technologically averse?
Just like that, Alex labels the rose a pity rose.
She tells Robby, You look like Ryan Gosling out ofThe Notebookright now.
Sure, and I look just like Blake Lively.
NEXT: Rose ceremony No.
As Robby puts it, very posible, somehow forgetting the one Spanish word everyone knows: muy.
Umm, probably because he needed reassurance?
Alex is really hung up on this pity rose, but Dereks not a fan of theMean Girlsvibe.
Dont worry, though, because Alex is done.
As he puts it, There are men here that are moving forward.
Yeah, his name is Derek because unlike you, he has a rose, dude.
Within six months, he quit his job, moved, and dumped his girlfriend.
He decided lifes too short not to be happy.
(I feel like we know where gravity is going to take us, though.)
Sweaty Robby then gets the date rose and decides love is always a two-way street.
But its Derek who makes the first bold move of the night.
Before JoJo arrives, he asks to speak to Mean Girls Robby, Chase, Alex and Jordan outside.
At the end of the day, Chase would rather focus on JoJo than Derek.
So as the guys head back inside, Luke asks for the summary.
Wells gives Derek props for saying how he feels, but Chase is not a fan of Dereks timing.
And yet, none of it matters when Chris Harrison informs the guys there will be no cocktail party.
JoJos mind is made up.
Now the question is: Which will they miss most, JoJo or Lukes manboobs?
I will see you next week.
If you need me before then, Ill be googling the effects of protein powder on squirrels.
