Do we think protein shake is code for vodka, because that would explain so much.
We start the week at the Westlake Village Inn, where JoJo is staying?
Well, those days are no more.
Credit: ABC/Rick Rowell
Now, JoJo has to resort to leaning on publicly recycled balconies.
There are roses on all the dates, so good luck, dudes!
Not surprisingly, JoJo wants to heat things up.
(Hot is her favorite word, after all.)
As Evan gathers from the situation, that is hot.
Yeah, fire tends to be.
Also, what is Grant doing?
So far, his fireman instincts are failing all the tests.
Spoiler: Shes not.
Instead, she shows up dressed as a firefighter and, in slow motion, helps extinguish the fire.
As Daniel says, you’re free to spray me down any day.
And she might have to, Daniel.
Chads confidence knows no bounds.
Chad does not understand how the alphabet works.
So while JoJo enjoys her date, Chad enjoys some alone time with his protein powder.
There are so many things I could say here with the suitcase symbolically hanging between his legs.
Lets just go with this: Overcompensation.
(Also, pretty sure there are heavier things than protein powder, buddy.
Next time, challenge yourself.)
So yeah, JoJos playing favorites.
Meanwhile, theres Evan, whos nothing if not confused.
Its called GET OUT OF THE BUILDING.
As much fun as it is to play damsel in distress, she doesnt need a man for that.
As the day kicks off, it quickly becomes clear that Wells is struggling.
(Poor guy, if only hed rented out All-4-One for one more day.)
And you know its bad when he says, Im so much not like everybody else here.
Wells, your wit is all you have!
you’re free to lose physically, but when you start messing up your words, youre doomed.
Thankfully, needing a water break wins Wells some time with JoJo and he plays it off beautifully.
Translation: He has to endure more physical torture.
Back at the house, the guys everyone but Chad are writing a song for JoJo.
Ninety percent of the lyrics are JoJo, but its a sweet thought.
One of these days, cowboy.
Shifting to Dereks one-on-one date, JoJo tells him that their date is all about choices.
Choice #1) Sky or sea.
They agree on sky.
And when it comes to North or South, they agree North.
But its the dinner portion of the date where JoJo has questions.
And JoJo appreciates him opening up.
Although it mightve been the most boring emotional conversation yet, its enough to earn Derek the date rose.
As Chad puts it, Its the nice guys who are actually the assholes.
So say the assholes.
In that scenario, is he murdering everyone and blending them into tiny, drinkable pieces?!
My other favorite part of this interaction: Daniels way-too-loose tank top.
This might be my favorite group of bad boys ever.
SportsNation, that is.
Yeah, Jordan shows us exactly why he no longer plays football.
Then theres Chad, who makes the mistake of picking up JoJo.
As Max tells him, speaking for all of Bachelor nation, Hands off the merchandise.
Chads immediately not a fan.
As he sees it, They dont understand this is a real girl.
Chad cant seem to wrap his head around the fact that no ones actually proposing.
Suddenly, things feel very real.
So when Chad finally gets a chance to speak, he explains to JoJo that he doesntactuallyknow her.
JoJo, you guys JUST met, did you know that?
So quite frankly, he doesnt love you yet.
In other words, this guy cant tell the difference between real life and a joke.
And yet, the judges appreciate his honesty.
Its not a song.
Its not a poem.
(Im saying it right now: If James doesnt win, James for Bachelor!)
She wants someone whos going to grab her ass constantly a real person.
Has he mentioned that hes financially ready for a relationship?
However, there is more to Chad than money and suitcases full of protein powder.
He and JoJo then make a wish in the wishing well before sharing their first kiss.
(I bet if you asked him to propose now, hed have plenty to say!)
NEXT: Whos ready for a cocktail party?
Chad tries to explain that, I was getting some air.
She happened to approach as I was getting said air.
But as Alex puts its, The house has been divided.
(Is he from the North Pole?)
(How many calories does one save by skipping a protein shake?)
Can you believe that?!
Apparently, Chad says thats different for him, to which I ask, feeling something?
JoJo seems intrigued by Chad, who asks if hes un-figure-out-able?
As JoJo corrects him, Youre mysterious.
But sure, un-figure-out-able is how a real man would put it.
But when Chad steals JoJo again!
from Evan, Alex loses it.
Alex could, however, use a little help on his insults.
Yelling youre a meltdown doesnt exactly carry the weight I think he was hoping it would.
He had a notebook!
What was in the notebook?!
Could we have another sensitive firefighter a la Ryan Sutter on our hands?!
Damn you for taking this from me, Chad.
All Chad needs in life is protein shakes, working out, and food.
And at the end of it all, thats the magic formula thats going to get him the girl.
Or rather, thats the formula thats going to entertain us for the next couple weeks.
I will see you all next week.
