A trip to the Bahamas leaves one woman stranded on an island…forever?
So Im going to go ahead and take back my statement that theyre scientists and instead go with witches.
(And here you thought my supernatural phase ended last week.)
Credit: ABC
In other words, poor Olivia just cant win.
As Olivia puts it, Im different.
I like reading books in my room and THINKING and thats what I do.
I want to talk smart things.
Fun fact:Me Talk Smart Things One Dayis a sequel to David SedarisMe Talk Pretty One Day.
The bottom line is that Olivias confident, and the women cant handle it.
And yes, Olivia still has her rose.
Emily is just as unaffected as Ben by Olivias tears, but Olivias ready to play ball.
God I just love when smart people stoop to our level and speak so colloquially, dont you?
Reminder: Lauren H., Olivia, and Amanda are all safe heading into the ceremony.
Ben then hands additional roses to Caila, Lauren B., JoJo, Becca, Leah, and Emily.
That means Jennifer a.k.a.
that brunette you could never place is going home.
Apparently, her biggest fear coming into this process was leaving before Ben knew who she really was.
(So who wants to break the bad news to her?)
(See what I did there?)
WHO ARE CHRIS FAVORITES?
But for now, all we know is which woman Ben prefers as the one-on-one date goes to Caila.
And you know what?
Leah is pissed about it.
She thinks she looks like a fool.
As far as Leahs concerned, she had every reason to believe shed get a one-on-one this week.
After all, Ben once told her she was beautiful.
Also, ABC the universe clearly brought them together in this process.
What do you want to bet she has a shrine to him in her closet?
NEXT: Are you gonna cry, Caila?
Over dinner, Ben aims to get behind Cailas smile.
Wow, Ben, just ask her if she wants to sleep with you.
Ive noticed that about you.
Good opener, dude.
Somebody write that one down.
Ben explains that he wants a partner he can cry with.
He needs to see that she can be vulnerable.
Honestly, Caila, cry now or forever hold your peace.
Caila, rightfully, says she feels a bit put on the spot to cry at the moment.
But Ben says hes not asking for her deepest, darkest secrets.
He just needs to know are you ready or not?
see to it they can feel.
It feels like Im going to hurt you.
Bens super helpful response?
If youre scared youre going to hurt me because you dont think youre ready, just tell me that.
Youre quoting her, Ben.
But Caila somehow talks her way out of the conversation by saying she was afraid of confusing Ben.
Im a confusing person, she says, which is just what any guy wants to hear.
Ben asks if Cailas ready for someone, and she says yes.
I feel like thats what I want in life.
I want to feel understood.
And I feel happy.
This is real happiness.
Guys, we just witnessed the start of their relationship.
And you know what?
I feel like we also just witnessed the end of it.
As far as Emilys concerned, shes ready to battle.
But Olivia simply thinks Emily whos the same age as Olivia is young.
Shes like a bird, Olivia says.
Like, I dont even give a s. The moral?
Do NOT send her to paradise.
But instead, the boat takes the women to an island full of swimming pigs!
However, the more unpredictable part of this date?
This line: The unpredictability of life has CAME upon us.
Turns out, Ben likes to talk smart, too.
Getting off the boat, the women join Ben in feeding chicken hotdogs to the pigs.
It takes about 30 seconds before this turns into a fullLord of the Fliessituation.
Are we surprised that PIGS like food?
Are we surprised that they can jump like that?
Props to JoJo for this one: This is like a bar in Dallas.
Theres just pigs everywhere.
But theres only one pig that catches the womens attention: Ben.
And because of that, things get uncomfortable real quick.
Has JoJo dated multiple men at once?
More importantly, how is her makeup not running?
After JoJos no help, Ben heads over to Leah to experience his most painful conversation yet.
Asking if she wants to swim, Leah says she was swimming.
Then, we get this:
Ben:Do you like pigs?
Leah:I like pigs.
I like to eat pigs.
Now Im hoping the pigs attack her.
She then enlightens Ben by telling him, Im human, you know?
And amazingly, Ben gets that shes human.
Heck, hes probably known that for some time now.
Haley then informs her twin that shes not allowed to come home unless its on a hometown date.
But she knows that Bens not doing anything wrong; its just the situation theyre in.
Why are they sitting like that?
Im sorry, but we have to pause here to appreciate the drama that is the two-on-one date card.
It reads, Two women.
So suspenseful, right?
Spoiler: Sometimes both women go!
Sorry to ruin your rhyme, Chris Harrison.
To that I say: WHYYY?
Remember how Ben asked that they make the most of her time together?
Well, Leah heard why dont you spend all your time trash-talking other women and make yourself look worse.
And so she does.
Instead, shes going to go after Lauren B., a.k.a.
Bens one true love, a.k.a.
a nice person from what weve seen.
Leah claims that Lauren B. is different in the house than she is with Ben.
Oh sorry, she claims the one person you have the strongest connection with is different.
See, Leah doesnt believe in saying names.
Well, she didnt until 10 seconds ago.
Now, shes all about it.
Shes talking about Lauren B., Ben.
And that, my friend, is why youre winning.
Well, I didnt say anything.
Nobody said you did, Leah.
Honestly, this woman never wouldve survivedThe Departed.
Seriously, DO NOT CHANGE, AMANDA.
(Further proof Leah has never seen this show.)
Instead, she opens up with a little how are you?
which Ben claims is a good question, so, you know, somebody went to journalism school.
Why do people keep saying I literally did not see that coming?
Are you a psychic?
Obviously you didntliterallysee that coming.
Maybe now that Leahs going home she can work on honing those psychic skills.
Perhaps Olivia is the witch who created this storm?
First up, Ben steals Olivia away to discuss their all-consuming, ever-present, constantly growing kind of love.
Im very in tune with my body, she tells him out of nowhere.
But shes not just good in bed!
She also likes news and politics and religion.
As she puts it, Deep intellectual things are just my jam.
You know, I believe it was Socrates who first said that.
She then cant get over how well their conversation went.
(Should someone tell her that a conversation usually involves more than one person speaking?)
With Emilys turn, she tells Ben that she wants this date to mark the beginning of their journey.
Maybe it will be an incredible experience, amirite?
And she was never heard from again.
The next day, its cocktail party time, but Bens not feeling up for it.
Caila, Emily, and Amanda are already safe.
(Can we talk about how scared Ben mustve been to say the wrong last-name initial?
He really enunciated that B.)
Okay, this is where our journey temporarily ends.
