Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
We begin with a fancy float-watching party at Harry’s apartment by the park.
I believe it usually takes longer than a few months, but I’m choosing to roll with this.
Credit: Mark Schafer/Showtime
Apparently there’s been nothing but positive press and even Philip Roth (drink) is impressed.
Someone asks if this is her first child; she hesitates before saying no.
Is Noah even divorced yet?
Eden is all, ask for permission before speaking.
But first, Franzen (drink!)
wants to meet him, so Alison gives up and goes home to meet her mother.
Noah promises to be right behind with the turkey.
Athena looks so bananas the doorman made her wait in the lobby.
Once inside the super fancy apartment Athena oohs and ahhs over the furniture and the space.
She wants to know how much it cost (me too!
), but Alison gives a tight smile and tells her that’s impolite.
The nursery, however, is being used as Noah’s study.
Athena raises a motherly eyebrow at this, but stays silent-ish about how messed up all that is.
(And now we know why this baby is eventually named Joan!)
Athena is still trying to figure out how they could pay for this apartment and she’s not crazy.
You need more than a 400k advance for an apartment like this.
But it’s guest time, and the first to arrive is Jane!
“I can’t believe I know someone who lives here,” says Jane.
As long as he isn’t racist or Republican.
Interestingly, Alison lies to Jane about going back to Montauk that fateful night.
(For all you Cole as baby daddy truthers, here’s your Thanksgiving present.)
Max and Jane are instantly and disgustingly all over each other.
Athena brings the ladies into a back bedroom, so they all can listen to the baby’s heartbeat.
It is really quite something.
It’s at this moment that Noah shows up with Eden.
Turns out Franzen (drink!)
wouldn’t take no for an answer and he monologues (haha) so they’re late.
Noah forgot the turkey.
Athena tries to help break the tension by inviting Noah to listen to the baby’s heartbeat.
He does and says, “Gets me every time.”
This really pisses me off do you have to remind us you have a million other children?
Sometimes I just really hate Noah Solloway.
Max praises Alison for being responsible for making his friend happy and no longer a broke Park Slope dad.
(Also, he shuts down Eden, which is nice.)
Apparently Page Six is already running an item about Noah having a pregnant girlfriend while still married.
Alison, rightly, loses it.
Apparently she has read the whole book.
Then, her voice raised, she yells, “And then youkillme.”
And she stomps off.
Noah goes after her and she asks him, quietly, is this really what he wants?
A family with her and the baby?
Or does he want to run her down with his car.
He assures her thatthisis his real life, the rest is just a story.
In the future Alison meets with lawyer Jon.
Hmm, I guess we’ll see about that.
Hooray, good for Cole.
But during the moment Luisa says, “Te amo.”
Cole puts an abrupt halt to these proceedings.
Luisa greets him with coffee and an invitation to come to her family’s place in Queens for Thanksgiving.
He’s all, pass.
She tells him she’s been up to Montauk every weekend, and it’s his turn.
She’s as surprised as I am.
“You don’t know everything about me,” he snarls.
Hey, Cole buddy, what’s up?
This girl is not one for waspy evasions.
So there’s that.
Cole takes an interesting defensive position: Do you want muffins?
Cole is in no mood.
(I hate to say it, but Oscar is better looking in season 2.
I know, I know.)
He brags that he was a source for Noah and he gave him gold.
This day sure is not improving for Cole.
He counters by accusing her of stealing his money.
She’s like, listen you better apologize, but he doesn’t hear the warning in her voice.
So she tells him to do you know what to himself and takes off.
Mission accomplished I guess?
He takes a sad man walk in town and sees Noah’s book being prominently displayed.
He buys it, goes home, and immediately starts reading it, turning down pages of interest.
And then he changes his mind and decides to go spend Thanksgiving with his family after all!
He’s rip pissed though and goes to grab the book and reads it aloud.
Well, wait a second, says Cherry.
It turns out it is all true.
Silas was a monster.
Oh, but wait, it gets more insane.
She also basically tells Cole he is as suicidal as his father.
Did we know Cole’s father killed himself?
And that’s when Whitney shows up in a cab.
Poor Whitney can’t even believe it.
Cole, one can see, feels sorry for her.
Poor Whitney is lost.
He offers to drive her back to the city.
And isn’t this an interesting pairing.
As they sit in the car there’s a world of awkwardness to approach, right?
Cole is like, oh no I was pointing it at your dad.
But he apologizes because he’s Cole.
He tells her she has to stop coming after Scott.
Whitney is like, but he got me pregnant.
And, she says, she really cares about him.
Whitney is like: hey did you hear my dad wrote a book?
You are in it, and I’m not.
Cole is a good man and tells her that maybe Noah was trying to protect her.
He then tells her that his dad hanged himself on his 10th birthday.
Good lord, we’ve all had some tough Thanksgivings, but this sure is a doozy.
Cole actually brings Whitney to Noah’s fancy apartment.
Cole heads to Queens instead.
This might be the best apology ever plus, you know, it’s Cole.
He promises he’ll never hurt her again.
He says there’s one other thing: He tells her he loves her, too, in Spanish.
Oh good, Oscar is there.
Oscar is all, oh I can tell you everything, I was right there.
Just pay me extra money.
Jon tells him no and then Oscar tells him what Scott was apparently saying.
Oh god, the answer?
“That’s our baby.”
The what you say?
Could Scott have meantour’sas in Lockhart’s?
Hurry up next week!
