Third time is definitely not a charm on this season of ‘Survivor’
Wow.
And you thought #SevereGastrointestinalDistress was bad!
Call this one the anti-Fishbach.
Credit: CBS
Medical tried to help.
It didnt work, and Joe had to be pulled from the game.
I have to give Joe credit.
He wasnt the most dynamic personality, and probably got less screen time than Mark the Chicken.
But watching him give it his all for 34 days in perhaps the toughestSurvivorconditions ever was inspiring.
I hope like hell Im in half as good shape as that guy is when Im over 70.
The dude certainly earned my respect, if not my ever-lasting interest.
But lets recap in graphic detail exactly how it got to this point.
Well, maybe notgraphicdetail considering the circumstances of his evacuation, but you catch my drift.
Where will the annoyingly accentedKaohRongfall?
Youll have to read on to find out.
Last seasonsSurvivor: Cambodia Second Chancewent from 8 to 5 after the last episode, so it can happen.
Michele finds that comment curious because Tai has turned on alliances three times already.
Are you with me or are you not with me?
asks Tai, to which Aubry replies.
No, dont say you are confused.
Say you are with him!
If somebody ANYBODY ever asks if you are with them, you say yes.
I honestly dont understand her response here.
NEXT: A reward challenge twist!
Lets move on the reward challenge so we can all watch Jeff Probst look at his feet.
First to get a bag into each of the five targets wins.
(There is another twist to the rules, which we will get into in a second.)
The winner will be taken to aSurvivorspa to enjoy a bath, massage, and massive constipation.
The competition begins, and Cyndey and Aubry take an early lead.
And then Aubry begins to pull away.
She goes up 3-2 after the second bag, and then hits her fourth target from bag number three.
So if you run out of bags, youre out.
It just adds a different level of tension that we dont often see on the show.
Indeed, othersdobegin to also run out of throwing bags.
Cydney runs out, then Tai, then Michele.
That leaves only Joe.
Now, Joe did not start this challenge in the most auspicious manner.
But now hes the only one left, and he has all the time in the world.
He lands one and then it comes down to his very last bag.
If he misses, everyone gets back in the game.
Whats with all the smooching?
But lately everyone has been making like aFamily Feud-era Richard Dawson and getting in on the act.
And to think that people wonder why I watchBig Brother.)
Winning challenges where you have to choose people to leave behind are always tricky.
Thats why I have always advocated throwing them.
How many times have we seen bruised feelings just because someone was not selected to go on a reward?
Its better to just stay out of it and let someone else take that risk.
As for Joe, do you really think he is going to make his choice based on strategy?
You even look at someone else for too long and she assumes you are going behind her back.)
Beautiful people are people, too!
Thats why they are called beautifulpeople!
Tai tells us hes actually open to working with Michele because he feels betrayed by Aubry.
Another example of the danger of leaving someone behind.
Meanwhile, there are morsels of strategy being devoured in between massive bites of beef at theSurvivorspa getaway.
(Im kind of dying to see Aubrys likability pie graph and/or flowchart.)
This is always the point in the game when some people start acting a little wacky.
The time is ripe for a #SurvivorBreakdown, is what Im saying.
Cydney sees Aubry and Tai walking back with the water and she thinks they look a bit too chummy.
Nickwasgetting too close to Scot and Jason, and Aubry and Taididjust renew their alliance.
How does she know?
Beats me, but Cydney goes and forges a back-up plan with Michele, just in case.
Speaking of things backing up, lets check in on Joes bowels!
Joes in a bad spot.
He cant go to the bathroom and the pressure on his bladder hurts like crazy.
Its clear Joe is going to get pulled from the game when the show comes back from the break.
And that is precisely what happens.
After his condition does not improve, Joe begins saying his goodbyes.
Thats an accomplishment in itself.
(KIDS THESE DAYS!!!)
Zero idols played this season.
Three medical evacuations in one season is a new record.
Aubry lost her two biggest allies due to evacs, which is just terrible luck.
So while it may not be our finest final four ever, its certainly not the worst either.
(Could this be foreshadowing for my season ranking?)
Has she played a good game?
Cydney has been solid throughout.
Again, shes played well.
But like the others, she hasnt knocked my strategic socks off.
With this group, maybe that will be enough.
We will find out soon enough.
(New episode posted below).
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But before we can crown the winner, it is time for our updated season rankings.
Where willSurvivor:KaohRongfall?
Read on to find out.
NEXT: Let theSurvivorseason rankings begin!
SURVIVOR SEASON-BY SEASON RANKINGS
(From best to worst)
1.
(Tie)Survivor: Borneo
(Winner: Richard Hatch)
andSurvivor: Micronesia Fans vs.
Favorites
(Winner:ParvatiShallow)
Ive gone back and forth with these two over the years.
AfterMicronesiaaired, I named it the bestSurvivorseason ever.
So then I returned that to the #1 spot.
If I wanted to watch one season again, it would beMicronesia.
If you ask me which is the most important season, well, obviously itsBorneo.
And the greatness just kept on coming.
Filled with huge memorable moments like Tyson voting himself off, J.T.
giving Russell his immunity idol, and Parvati handing outtwoimmunity idols at one Tribal Council.
I know many people would consider this #1, but its all returnees.
For me, the fresh blood ofMicronesiakeeps that season higher.
(Maybe not well at all times, but at least they were playing.)
moment to a truly intoxicating season.
Letting fans vote in the cast?
Hiding idols at challenges?
I think you all know how I feel about that.
Tempting people to quit an immunity challenge for a mystery vote steal advantage?
All the tribe switcheroos?
They played out to perfection.
TheSurvivorproducers always throw a bunch of twists out there.
Usually some work and some dont.
This season, they all paid dividends.
I also appreciated how hard the bulk of the cast was playing.
Usually you get a small handful of big time gamers.
Another plus: The votes were completely unpredictable from week to week, leading to some truly crazy Tribals.
Sure, the challenges were a bit blah, but still, a rousing and triumphant success.
6.Survivor: Amazon
(Winner: JennaMorasca)
Probably the most unpredictable season ever from week to week.
Some people hate on Jenna as a winner, but she won challenges and played an effective social game.
7.Survivor: Pearl Islands
Rupert stealing shoes.
Fairplay getting drunk at Tribal Council.
Osten sucking at everything.
It was all delicious.
And the challenges may have beenSurvivors best ever.
(However, I still cant figure out why they went with three person duels a.k.a.
truels and they definitely should have stopped RI at the merge.)
So why is it so high?
Because the casting and storylines that developed gave us people to root for and against something every greatSurvivorseason needs.
And the fact thatPhilippineshad such a strong final four Denise, Malcolm, Lisa, Skupin also doesnt hurt.
11.Survivor:Caramoan Fans vs.
But hear me out first before you Russell any feathers.
It was flat-out grating.
But everything post-merge was spectacular.
I cant remember a time when there were so many moves and countermoves so late in the season.
Also, dont overlook how great the bevy of water challenges was.
Should I push it down in the rankings due to the lackluster Reunion show that followed?
He was robbed in the end, though, in the most controversial jury decision ever.
Plus: Purple rock!!!
14.Survivor: China
(Winner: Todd Herzog)
Ive always loved this season.
It featured a really good cast stuck in a really bad location.
Todd completely owned that final Tribal Council.
Thats how you win a million dollars.
15.Survivor: Cook Islands
(Winner:YulKwon)
What a difference a mutiny makes.
It was listless until that fateful moment when Candice and Penner stepped off the mat.
Then we finally had underdogs to root for.
Plus, just look at all the great first-time contestants (Parvati, Penner, Ozzy, Yul).
NEXT: TheSurvivorseason rankings continue (16-24)
16.Survivor:KaohRong
(Winner: ?
?
?
????)
This feels right, smack dab in the middle.
Not one of the best seasons ever; not one of the worst.
Working against this season is the fact that there simply were not enough transcendent players in the cast.
As always, this could move up or down a bit depending on what happens in the finale.
For instance, if Mark the Chicken wins, this thing goes straight to number one.
17.Survivor: Australian Outback
(Winner: Tina Wesson)
An overrated season in my book.
Pretty predictable boot order as well.
Dude did burn his hands off, though.
But there is one thing I reallydiddig about this season, and that is the cast.
19.Survivor:Tocantins
(Winner: J.T.
Thomas)
Okay, you may roll your eyes at Coach 1.0.
But imagine for a second this season without him.
His unintentional comedy single-handedly lifted this into the middle of the pack.
(Remember Jerri getting literally booed off the stage?)
Terry was robbed on a final challenge that may or may not have been completely fair.
Another unmemorable final two.
Shane Powers should have been brought back forHeroes vs. Villains.
And theSecond Chanceseason, for that matter.
The fact that so many unworthy players went so far is simply too damning.
Not that much else was great.
26.Survivor: Guatemala
(Winner: DanniBoatwright)
One of the more unlikable casts so far.
Stephenies evil twin?)
Rafe was good for a few laughs, though.
Especially on rope obstacles.
That counts for something.
29.Survivor: One World
(Winner: KimSpradlin)
Look, I have total respect for Kims game.
Like Tom inPalauand Rob inRedemption Island, she excelled strategically, socially, and physically.
Unfortunately, that is really the only good thing I can say about this season.
And thats too bad, because I do think the One World concept was a solid one.
But, man, what a thoroughly uninspiring cast.
- Splitting the tribes up by age and the Medallion of Power were both enormous flops.
LikeOne World,Thailand,andFiji,Nicaraguahad just too many unlikable players.
Two people quitting with only 11 days left.
No big memorable moments.
EvenThailandhad the fake merge andFijihad the big Yau-Man/Dreamz free car deal gone bad, but what wasNicaraguas signature moment?
Unfortunately, it was people quitting, and that was memorable for all the wrong reasons.
Hit the message boards, and Ill be back next week with an overstuffed scoop of the finale/reunion crispy!
