Featuring performances by…John Mayer!
A lifetime achievement award for Kanye West!
And the hysterical comedy stylings of Dane Cook!
Credit: Robert Voets/CBS
Thank you so much!
And welcome to the Doucheys, everyone!
Im Eddie Cibrian, and we have a spectacular show for you this evening.
We all know why were here: to crown this years Douchiest Survivor!
Lets get right to it with all three finalists.
And the nominees are…
Put your hands together for Nick!
The envelope, yo.
Enrique Iglesias Adrenaline the smell that made a million ladies swoon.
Okay, here we go, And the winner is… PETER!
Your unwavering love and support for yourself was simply impossible to ignore.
John Mayer will be up next performing his brand new song, Hit That and Quit That.
Good night, everyone!
Okay, well, at least Peter wonsomethingbecause he was a big loser at everything else in this pastSurvivor.
Not as big a loser as Liz, I suppose, who is now out of the game.
Have you no concept about how terrible this makes you look?
How unlikable it makes you seem?
Now, I will give Peter the benefit of the doubt in one regard.
Ive covered this show since day one, and Ive spoken to hundreds upon hundreds of contestants.
And they have told me in no uncertain terms about how producers egg them on for juicy sound bites.
I dont think this is breaking news to anyone.
Ofcoursea producer wants a lively contestant making bold proclamations.
Hopefully I have the votes on my side, but you never know.
Could go either way.
And gee, everyone else is pretty smart, so maybe theyre pulling one over on me.
Fingers crossed everything turns out okay!
A quote like that is not doing the producer, the contestant, or the viewer any good.
So, naturally, the contestant feels an inherent pressure to put a little mustard on it.
They know whats expected of them.
They know why they were cast.
So they start bragging.
But thats just dumb.
There are other ways to showcase a personality without doing that.
But dont be a jackass.
You bothdohave great smiles.
But saying it makes you a thousand times less attractive.
Thats what gets you to the end.
He said a plan was in place at Tribal Council and then flat-out told Neal Its notyourplan.
But what happens next?
Okay, lets move on to what else went down at the three tribe camps this week.
I will refer Alecia back to the first part of the previous sentence as explanation.
This is why Alecia is so frustrating sometimes.
Because I hate the way Jason talks about her, but then she talks herself and…ugh.
But the big battle comes the next day as the entire tribe gets engaged in a crazy idol hunt.
Then Cydney finds the idol box and second clue, but Aleciadoesntsee her.
That sounds like a lot of qualifications on his competency as a bounty hunter.
I feel like it’s crucial that you commit a little more in one area.
I would have gone back and taken the locked box with the idol and hidden it somewhere else.
Could I open it?
Would I have the idol?
But neither would they.
And that could prove important when the inevitable merge shake-up comes.
Wonder Twin powers, activate!
he bellows in an awesome shout-out to the Super Friends.
(But which one is Zan and which one is Jayna?
And can I call dibs on being Gleek?)
Its in the right hands, says Scot of the idol.
But it is also ten timesmorelikely he will not.
Also, what happens if theres a tribe shake-up and you end up on separate beaches?
You think Jasons going to say, Here, you take this before you separate?
Hell to the no!
Hell to the no!
Shared idols are only so shared.
BEAUTY TRIBE
Speaking of idols, Tai is back at it trying to retrieve his.
Tais in a pretty good spot in the tribe at this point.
Everyone seems to like him, and yet no one is threatened by him.
Honestly, all I really want to do is write about Tai.
And watching him here dealing with the chicken only makes me love the guy more.
We know how much Tai adores every living creature (including plants and trees and Caleb).
How could you not empathize with that?
Why, you would have to be a monster!
Or youd have to be Nick.
I actually agree with that, but only when it comes to yourself.
Keep your emotions in check, or they will interfere with your game play.
But dont act put out by someoneelsesemotions.
Thats not an annoyance.
THATS AN OPPORTUNITY!!!
Look how Terry put that to his advantage last season when Abi-Maria was having issues.
Dont roll your eyes.
Bond with the guy!
(Check out my episode 1 pick to win making some moves!
No wonder the Beauty tribe is kicking butt.
And with Tai in the mix, its pretty hard not to like this group as a whole.
For his part, Peter is too busy admiring himself to look for idols.
Debbie explains to us she has been gathering intel and flying under the radar.
Im not sure Debbie has even flown under the radar in her entire life.
In fact, didnt shecreatethe radar in one of her past jobs?
Regardless, Peter and Liz never see it coming as Debbie snaps into action and recruits Aubry and Neal.
The bomb doors are open, says Debbie.
In fairness, that could just mean Debbie needs to go to the bathroom.
With her, you could never quite be 100 percent sure.
Lets head to the challenge where Probst has unfortunately eschewed his orange baseball cap for the first time.
Second place gets whichever the winners dont select.
Wow, season 32, and people still dont get it.
YOU NEVER WANT TO GO TO TRIBAL COUNCIL!
The people you were so sure were on your side may not be.
The person you were so sure could not have an immunity idol may have one, or two!
And yet peoplestillfall for this.
It is so basic.
It is so simple.
You do not want to go to Tribal Council.
Any potential reward of getting rid of someone is nullified by the risk of your game being ended permanently.
You would expect the Brains tribe, of all people, to realize this.
Good for him for throwing it all out there, she says, refusing to show her real cards.
Anna the poker player would be impressed.
The blessing in disguise turns out to be a nightmare instead.
I actually feel kinda bad for Liz.
Although she foolishly thought going to Tribal would be hunky-dory, she doesnt necessarily seem like a bad egg.
Liz was merely the sidekick to the true villain on the Tribe and ended up a casualty of war.
And it is going to suck for someone next week in what looks to be a medical evacuation.
The footage points to Tai, but that could (hopefully) be a misdirect.
Either way, Im nervous.
At least there will be an ER doctor on hand!
The handsomest, smartest ER doctor ever, from what I understand.
But were not done withthisweek yet.
And verify to mosey on over to myweekly Q&A with Hostmaster General Jeff Probst.
Would you have voted out Peter or Liz?
Are you Team Jason or Team Alecia?
And whom do you least want to be medically evacuated next week.
