And also Medical Time
Forget about the merge!
Who cares about the medical evacuation?
Whatever for the first individual immunity challenge!
Credit: Robert Voets /CBS
Sure, well get to all that in due time.
But I need to start by asking you a question: Was this the most inadvertently sexually-laced-when-taken-out-of-context episode inSurvivorhistory?
Lets examine the evidence.
These are all actual word-for word quotes from the episode.
Neal was walking around with a big bulge in his pocket.
(Say what?)
Double and triple teaming people is not the way to go.
(Excuse me?)
You cant double and triple team people.
(Oh, stop being such a prude.)
It was so raw and burned.
Weve all soldiered on and dealt with it embraced the suck.
(Whats that, now?)
In a moment of desperation, all I have to do is reach into the family jewels.
(Not the first person to do that, Im guessing.)
Tais balls banging into each other.
(Oh, come on!
That one was intentional!)
Nick with a lot of movement his balls dancing all over the place.
(Seriously, Probst?
Now youre just messing with us.)
Of course,everythingsounds suspect when you have an immunity challenge like this.
But still, this episode must have set a land-speed record for unintentional innuendo.
I mean, for crying out loud!
throughout the entire recap.
And move on we shall to recap one of the most pus-filled episodes inSurvivorhistory!
The episode begins with Joe being very confused with the whole original plan thing from the last Tribal Council.
Aubry, who gave control away by changing her vote at the urn, is more depressed than confused.
(Maybe she pulled a Cochran and just wanted to avoid a tie and going to rocks?)
If I have to go to another Tribal, I am absolutely going to write down Aubry.
And Ill just cross em out until I decide which of them I want to go first.
Thats actually pretty damn funny.
And would be even funnier if he actually does it.
Actually, upon closer inspection, is anyone even eating?
It looks to me like a choose-your-booze situation, with everyone hitting the bottle pretty hard.
The drunk reward or merge feast buffoon used to be aSurvivorstaple.
Remember Jonny Fairplaly showing up wasted for Tribal Council?
Hey, NEITHER DOES HE!
Thats what made it so amazing.
But that hasnt happened for years.
And its a damn shame.
Ply these people with more alcohol, like.
Cant we sign some celebrity booze entrepreneur up for a little product placement?
Sammy Hagar could hand deliver a bottle of Sammys Beach Bar Rum!
Ludacris could freestyle to the contestants about the joys of his Conjure Cognac!
Its a natural fit!
Look, Im just spitballing some ideas here.
Sign up the Silver Bullet if thats the way you want to go.
I just know drunk people on a beach usually makes for funny TV.
Same rule applies to life in general, actually.
Meanwhile, the Brains are trying to woo Nick as well.
Left unsaid is whether Debbie considers herself the toilet or the toilet paper.
Not that either of those things are particularly desirable.
Want to see something disgusting?
Well, thats a hell of a way to start a conversation, Neal.Yes, by all means!
Might I smell your underarms and backside while Im at it?What is it with this season?
Neal shows off his gnarly knee, but there will be much more on that later.
Remember when Jeff talked about emotional intelligence and the ability to pick up on social cues?
Yeah, Debbie is picking up on nothing here.
I wanna get in an alliance.
Its a done deal!
proclaims Debbie, believing this deal to be permanently sealed.
Debbie, its coming in as such a shock, says the rattled Tai.
At least it feels that way sometimes, especially when Jason is speaking.
Its just the way of the world.
The Beauties dont date the brainiacs!
Theyre at the dance with us and were just shoving geeks in lockers right now.
But if hes right, then the Brains are in trouble.
Of course, sometimes that is easier said than done.
But he insists it feels fine, so clearly nothing to worry about here.
Good luck in this one with your size 84XXXL feet, Scot!
Yes, passing it on to Aubry.
That seems like a good idea.
Like, why waste an idol in that circumstance, right?
May as well give it to your best friend in the game to help them out.
That seems to make sense.
And would be a pretty selfless act, too.
But again, we are speaking purely in hypotheticals here.
After all, what couldpossiblygo wrong?!
But the question remains: Which side will Nick and Michele take?
Michele seems to like the Brains people more, which is exactly why she goes against them.
This is so smart of her.
Well played, Michele!
Okay, so all thats left is to see if and how Neal plays his idol and if…
Wait, what is that in the distance?
This time is it finally pirates?!?
Oh, never mind, its only Jeff Probst.
But Jeff is not alone.
Dr. Rupert wants to get a look at some of these infections people have been complaining about.
The truth is that all of these people have most likely already been periodically examined by theSurvivormedical team.
The only question is, who?
Tai is examined first.
(I mean, relatively speaking, of course.)
Or you’ve got the option to just take this pill and you should be good to go.
Your call, though!
Of course, they are going to leave the worst for last, because thats the person going home.
Which brings us to Neal.
Man, I dont know what to say about this.
Just glancing at his knee for a split second has now become my personal Vietnam.
Oh, wait, thats not all.
He also has another one on his back.
Shocker, its disgusting as well.
from dying so he can phone home on a Speak & Spell.
Probst offers up the perfect response, blending compassion with finality: I believe thatyoubelieve that.
And then come the tears.
I dont blame Neal.
In a way, this is almost tougher than some of the scarier evacuations.
Its not an evident and clear life-threatening situation where there is no question he has to go.
He even says he feels fine!
But deep down, even Neal has to know the risk is not worth it.
All thats left is for him is to tell the tribe and give Aubry his hidden immunity idol.
Ah, but can he?
Remember, Neal has been officially pulled from the game.
So as someone that is no longer technically in the game, is he evenallowedto give her the idol?
Well, I will tell you this.
(God, Im such a tease.)
Regardless, Aubry does not get the idol and she is none too happy about it.
The idol went home with Neal, she sighs.
That son of a bitch.
Neal left me hanging.
She then goes on to compareSurvivorto getting dysentery and dying.
That sounds a bit extreme to my ears, but there you have it.
And in a season like this, maybe shes not that far off.
So no Tribal Council.
Maybe it saved Aubry.
Or maybe it saved someone from Brawn due to the idol being used.
Like the exclusive deleted scene from the episode below.
And thatweekly Q&A with Jeff Probstthat I told you about three paragraphs ago.
And mywacky mid-game chat with Debbie.
And our exit interview with Neal that will be onEntertainment WeeklyRadio (SiriusXM, channel 105) and EW.com.
Who had the most disgusting infection?
Should Neal have been allowed to hand Aubry his immunity idol after he was pulled from the game?
And are you rooting for the Brains or the Brawn/Beauty combo platter?
