And the season 32 winner is…
This is an act of war, plain and simple.
Only the naive among us could not see it that way.
Credit: CBS
Shots have been fired, ladies and gentlemen!
How long has he been plotting this nefarious maneuver clearly geared to publicly humiliate me?
Or was it after one of my admittedly rambling and only mildly coherent diatribes against theRedemption Islandtwist?
THE GAUNTLET HAS BEEN THROWN DOWN!
#FINAL24EVA!!!!
Wait, that doesnt look right.
But I will never stop carrying the final two flag, Probst!
And neither you nor your highly publicized stunt can stop me!
Oh, I know!
Thirty-minute Rites of Passage!
Uh…yeah, Darnell.
Ummmm…gonna miss ya, buddy.
Hope you enjoyed the footage of you pooping on national television.
Nope, that was out.
Instead, producers momentarily confused everyone by offering up a reward challengeafterthe final three had already been set.
What the what?!?
In certain seasons, this could prove to be a million-dollar challenge with one vote changing the entire outcome.
Thats how far off I was.
Lets pretend that the juror eviction actually had the potential to tip the scales and change the outcome.
How do we feel about it then?
And in doing so, I think I may surprise you by saying I actually kinda like it.
It is not inherently unfair in any way.
It creates another level of strategy and guesswork, which is always a good thing.
Dude got himself a nice paid oceanfront vacation after he left the game.
Cry me a river.
And its not exactly like Aubry who had a sure vote taken away from her was wronged.
If that had instead been an immunity challenge instead leading into a final two, then guess what?
Aubry would have been voted out.
So Im actually perfectly fine with the juror-removal twist.
NEXT: Why the wrong person won
And Aubrywasthe most deserving player.
She was solid in challenges, where I was especially impressed with her performance in water-based contests.
Like I said, the clear choice.
But not to the jury.
They saw something in Michele.
Maybe it was the fact that she won the final two challenges.
When you step up and finish strong like that, it can go a long way.
And it absolutely should be part of the formula toward determining a winner.
Michele also seems like a lovely lady.
Perfectly pleasant and nice.
I have been trying, and I just cant.
I thought it was clear, but I thought wrong.
Thats not a diss.
I liked this season plenty.
There were just others I liked more.
And winners I liked more, as well.
Okay, there are the big picture headlines.
Now lets get into the nitty-gritty with our finalKaoh Rongrecap of the season.
Mark the Chicken has won over the hearts of viewers with his can-do spirit and impressive survival skills.
But while fans may love the pluck, the contestants could do without the cluck especially at ungodly hours.
Their fear is not unwarranted, as the results will prove later.
BJS has been known to strike down seemingly rational-thinking individuals at the most inopportune times.
It is especially deadly during peak BJS season, which happens to occur during final Tribal Council voting.
First to unlock box and raise their flag wins, but thats kinda stating the obvious, isnt it?
Everytime you hear a gong, thats good news!
Who does this woman think she is, Dawson?
And if shedoesthink she is Dawson, why is she not also shoving her tongue down the hosts throat?
If she does, then it could leave bruised feelings among those she does not pick.
Plus, the person she brings then also gets fueled up for the next challenge.
Which is why Aubry makes the smart move and brings Cydney.
Tai just may be the worst fake alliance salesman of all time.
We saw it earlier this season with Debbie and now again with Michele.
Once again flaunting her superior physical skills, Aubry jumps into a big early lead.
At least, thats howIwould describe it.
Jeff Probst would say that Aubry is full-tilt boogie on this!
And there in a nutshell is why he gets paid millions of dollars and I do not.
Well, that and the dimples.
Ladies love the dimples.
I cant compete with those.
Or with anything, really.
And then their second levels!
she cant get it.
So the plan to oust Michele is now kaput.
But what if Tai does not go along with their plan to oust Aubry as Michele claims he will?
Should I start working on my fire-making skills just in case?
asks Cydney, anticipating a possible tie vote.
No, responds Michele.
you’re free to, but Im telling you well be here tomorrow.
Why anyone would go onSurvivorwithout practicing fire-making with flint endlessly at home is beyond me.
And why you would not double-check to practice while out there on the island is equally baffling.
Yet people do it all the time.
People like Cydney, it seems.
Lets pause for the cause to break down Tais decision here.
On the surface, it seems like a terrible move.
Why in the name of Woo Hwang would you bring Aubry to the end with you instead of Cydney?
It just makes no sense whatsoever.
Unless Tai is betting on it being a final two.
We saw Tai later guessing that it was a final two.
That was all very perceptive of him.
But what if Probsts lack of a dramatic speech only reinforced what Tai already believed?
Thats because Aubry would rather sit next to Tai than Michele or Cydney at the end.
Thats the case for Tai to side with Aubry, and it is a strong case.
But again, that is all assuming that Tai is already guessing on a final two.
So Cydney and Aubry must partake in a fire-making tiebreaker challenge.
Goodbye, Cydney, say Jason and Julia from the very animated jury box.
But then, Aubrys entire structure collapses within seconds of burning through the rope, according to Probst.
Normally, this would spell disaster.
(By the way, someone check with Joe to see if he can spell disaster.
Right after he figures out immunity.)
But Cydney is hopelessly lost, giving Aubry time to start over and win anyway.
Again, I thought wrong.
Shes bummed, but Cydney should hold her head high.
She outlasted all other Brawn tribe members and played a solid all-around game.
Or, more likely, losing to Michele in the finals.
Back at camp, Michele talks about how excited she is for their final three breakfast together.
Plus, and I hate to keep pointing this out but,its only day 37!!
!Are you sure theres no challenge?
Theres not another challenge.
Cut immediately to…another challenge!
You are not playing for immunity.
You are the final three.
And then it gets evenmoreconfusing.
You allwillbe voting someone out of this game tonight, says Probst.
You literally just said they are the final three.
How can you have a final three and still vote someone out, especially without an immunity challenge?
But then Probst continues.
It just wont be each other.
The winner of this challenge earns the right to vote out a jury member.
Yes, it is aSurvivorchallenge incorporating both poles and balls.
The play-by-play possibilities are limitless!
See ya, Joe or Noel!
But maybe it is not that clear cut.
I mean, itshouldbe, but maybe its not.
And then she does an evenodderthing and asks Aubry whomshethinks should be kicked off the jury.
The same Scot who will later literally applaud Micheles performance in the game at the final Tribal.
Thats the guy she tells her to evict from the jury.
Michele is not seriously going to fall for that, is she?
But damn if Neal is not going to get his moment of glory on his way out.
And I dont think you stand a chance.
Okay, so clearly Michele made the right call on that one.
The finalists all arrive and take a seat.
Theyre all here: Michele, Aubry, Tai, Mark…
Wait, Mark?!?
What the hell is he doing here?
Was dashing my dreams of a final two not enough for Probst?
That is so lame!
I mean, no way Mark would have won the fire-making tiebreaker?
(On second thought, against Cydney, my money is actually on the chicken.)
Bringing Mark is actually a strong strategic move on Tais part.
You know youre being manipulated, but just dont care.
NEXT: The jury speaks!
I cannot emphasize enough how useless this opening salvo is.
DEBBIE
Is there more than one personality in your skull?
She then blurts out We let our geek flags fly, girlfriend!
for seemingly no reason.
JULIA
Julia looks like she is dressed more for a sorority girls night out than Tribal Council.
DELTA GAMMA KEGGER AFTER THE FINAL VOTE, YALL!!!
But your gear is a little more haywire than her computer, interjects Joe.
JASON
Its truth time.
I dont know who Im voting for.
Were expecting big fireworks from Jason, but instead we just get handheld sparklers.
He asks Michele whether she got into the majority alliance through luck or skill.
Tai then explains that he flipped on the fellas because they talk about men stuff.
Yes, men stuff.
Either that, or hes nervous the Tribal Council set crew is going to eat him for dinner.
But that was before Joe got evacuated, and then the plan was to get rid of Michele instead.
So again, half-lie.
Thats why she told Tai he literally just handed Aubry a million dollars when he voted to keep her.
You got an idol; you didnt use it.
You got an advantage, and you used it in a really dumb way.
None of the advantages you earned in this game did you any good.
Because you didnt use them.
Because it sounds like that might be his question.
If he is talking about strategy, however, then I have no idea what his is talking about.
Well, now its time to vote so lets…
Wait, whats this?
Wow, we have not had these for awhile.
And then the voting begins.
And then the voting ends.
Tai attempts to release him into the wild, but instead Mark just sort of hangs out on set.
Maybe hes hoping he can replace Neal on the jury and at least throw one vote Tais way.
MIND BLOWING!!!!
Probst and Mark the Chicken could be the next great comedy duo.
Alas, we must wait yet again.
But no more waiting for the big winner reveal!
Probst arrives on stage with the urn to make someone a million dollars richer.
And that person is Michele, who gets five out of the seven jury votes.
And then it was time for the Reunion hour.
Only the Reunion hour is not even close to an hour anymore.
We all complain every season about how not enough time is spent talking to the contestants.
And the Drew Carey bit was basically just a online grid ad to promote theSurvivoredition ofThe Price is Right.
Its foolish to think the connection would not take that opportunity to letSurvivorfans know about that.)
The actual finale has been bleeding more and more into the Reunion show over the past few seasons.
Probst did not ask his first question until 10:15 p.m. last night.
When you lose 25 percent of your show to extend your finale, thats whats going to happen.
Im honestly torn, and my answer may change from season to season.
Anyway, here are some of the weird and wacky things thatdidhappen in the finale.
Once again, it has been my pleasure to be your rambling tour guide for yet another season ofSurvivor.
Thanks for playing along.
But were not done yet!
I already have a Q&A with Probsttalking about next seaosnsSurvivor: Millennials vs. Gen X. Oh, and ensure not to miss the exclusive deleted scene from last nights episode below.
And for moreSurvivorscoop year round, follow me on Twitter@DaltonRoss.
Okay, that will do it for me, but now itsyourturn.
Do you agree with me that Aubry was robbed, or did the right person win?
Did you like the juror-removal twist?
Are you a final two or final three bang out of gal or guy?
Hit the message boards to weigh in.
Im all out of the crispy.
