Thats why the parents get constantly murdered: In a teen soap, nobodys more expendable than a parent.
Screamthe TV series killed off another parent this week!
For those of you riveted by the extremely long and drawn-out plotline concerning Brookes dads various mayoral improprieties… Sorta-Ghostface had other ideas, and those ideas involved a pitchfork to the heart.
Credit: Eliza Morse
Still, Heavenly Creatures continuedScreams late-season attempt to be, you know, scary.
And in a handful of scenes, it actually worked!
But the main thing to know is that the suspense was real, and I was into it.
Murder aside, the killer had really crossed the line this time.
The boyfriend, always a few minutes too late.
His first love had been drowned in a casket!
Thats the sort of thing not even mylar balloons and a latte can help you recover from.
He hadhad itwith murder.
It was an old newspaper clipping from a season 1 funeral in which Eli was standing in the background!
But why was he at a funeral for a slain character he hadnt met yet?
And why wasnt he wearing a black suit?
And what kind of newspaper prints a photo of a funeral, anyway?
Whatever the case, Eli was now seeming even creepier than usual, and thats saying something.
Thats why he then broke into the mayors manse in a black hoodie.
(I think we were supposed to believe this meant Eli wasalsothe killer, but come on.
This was just Eli being Eli.)
Damn, that was a cold-blooded move.
The mayor took one look at the note and fell to his knees weeping in fear.
Just kidding, he stared at it with the dead eyes of a mannequin.
NEXT: An actual investigation occurs!
First on his list?
It was the rare moment in a teen-mystery thriller where its like, OH RIGHT, these are children.
But theyre in love now, so congrats, kids.
Its the thought that counts.
Very incriminating, indeed!
It was a great plan.
To his credit, Eli looked very hurt that Kieran had been going through his stuff.
It was bad cousin etiquette and everyone knew it.
(Also I love how Eli and his mom just casually drink beer together on the porch.
Cant fault that parenting.)
In tribute to Zoe, Noah recorded his final podcast and included a lengthy eulogy to his dead girlfriend.
But just when he attempted to upload it, guess what happened?
And a DIFFERENT, better-produced podcast appeared in its place.
Hed had a rough few days and this kind of computer chicanery was getting on his nerves.
Yes, it included tons of shadily procured secret camera footage of them nosing around crime scenes.
People dont tend to ask questions in this town.
The two main ladies were now in real trouble!
Aside from the nightmare stuff, its probably 200 pages of dreams about soap and hand lotion.
It was a creepy concept and one of the first timesScreams use of modern technology actually made thingsscarier.
Anyway, he got stabbed with a pitchfork.
Thats when they realized the weird noises were actually the death rattle of a dying mayor!
In the meantime: Jail!
They were clearly not in a great place these days and this arrest just made it clearer.
Heavenly Creatures was a pretty good episode compared to the rest of them.
It honestly counts for a lot that I felt slightly tense during several of the scenes.
And with only three parents remaining, who will be the next parent to bite the dust?
Stay tuned, parents!
