Reign is back, people.
We did it, Royals!
We made it through that seemingly never ending months-long drought ofReign.
Credit: Sven Frenzel/The CW
To thank us for our patience, weve all been gifted with the news of afourth season renewal.
But thats just me.
How are the rest of your faring?
Were you counting down the days until the castle serial killer was finally revealed?
Were you really so enthralled withCSI: Bash?
That award goes to a little something that goes down in merry ol England… and involves a wig.
Oh, well get to it later, because it is awesome.
First, lets check in on the residents at French Court.
Last we saw Mary, Queen of Scots, she was kissing Gideon and liking it.
She has bigger issues at the moment, anyway.
The Scottish Ambassador Lord Cunningham advises Mary to consider marrying King Eric of Sweden.
Mary thinks appeasement shows weakness and shes curious to hear how that other female monarch feels about Knox.
Oh, interesting, the only way to communicate with Queen Elizabeth is through her ambassador.
I guess Mary will have to go gaze upon Gideon for a bit.
How terrible for her.
Mary attempts to brush him off, emphasizing their need to keep things all business, all the time.
(Marys pitch perfect Oh, Gideon response upon hearing Gideons idea of parenting was delightful.)
And thus, Gideon ropes Mary into spending a day with him and Agatha at a local carnival.
Theres men on stilts, camels, and lots of sexual tension.
A successful carnival if Ive ever seen one!
Aggies worried that shell be separated from him again and is afraid to trust him.
It seems to work.
On the ride home, Gideon expresses his gratitude for Marys help.
It was a good day.
Perpetual mood-killer Mary ruins the nice moment by bringing up her latest suitor predicament.
Gideon, although it completely defies Elizabeths orders, encourages Mary to consider the Swedish King.
Shes a queen, and she needs to do whatever it takes to protect her reign.
With that in mind, Mary alerts Cunningham to her decision, but unfortunately shes too late.
So, thats not great.
A marriage wont fix the escalating situation, but Mary believes raising an army will.
Shes headed off to the Vatican to ask for funds in fighting the Protestants.
But Mary wants to keep it all business, remember?
Without hesitation, she tells him shed strike him down.
So, no second date, then?
She wants Charles coronation to remind everyone that the Valois line is powerfulandknows how to party.
Those multiple bodies unearthed in the castle tunnels might send out a different message though.
Bash recognizes this as the serial killers handiwork and promises to apprehend the murderer once and for all.
Catherine is under a lot of stress, so to relax, she welcomes a visit from Christophe.
The cracks in their relationship are showing.
The guy admittedly loves slaughtering pigs and Christophe believes hes stealing barrels of salt.
It looks like we have our castle serial killer, you guys.
That wouldve been a let down, huh?
In the middle of the night, she heads there for proof, and Christophe follows.
Christophe is the castle killer!
He admits to everything he loves killing people!
If she kills Christophe, he already has a letter prepped proving everything.
Catherine needs a new plan fast.
Get it together, Medici!
She wants intel on Marys military moves as well as updates on current suitors.
Its kind of the best.
Shes even cheery enough to chitchat with her maid.
It looks just like Elizabeths hair, and Lola demands to know what is going on.
But Lola wont believe the rest unless she sees it for herself.
She wont believe it because the person requesting courtesans to wear red wigs is Lord William.
Our little Wet Blanket William actually has kinky sex fantasies about Elizabeth.
I knew he couldnt be as boring as he was letting on!
Lola and the maid catch him mid-coitus with a woman who he will only refer to as Elizabeth.
Okay, I was wrong,thisis kind of the best.
Elizabeth confronts him and he tries to play it off as true love.
He never acted on his feelings since hes married and it couldve ruined Elizabeths reputation.
In his mind, this act of sacrifice is truer love than anything Dudley felt for the queen.
When he says he would do anything to protect Elizabeth and her crown, he means it.
And just as Wet Blanket William is getting interesting, Elizabeth promptly tosses him out.
You guys, English Court is so fun!
Marys plaid and leather carnival dress!
Catherines black and gold event planner gown!
The floral number Lizzie wears when she confronts William!
THAT CAPE ON MARYS CORONATION DRESS.
Okay, so maybe the cape wins.
The Queens Corner of Harsh Lady Truths:
Even queens are afraid sometimes.
Mary, with the understatement of the year
Well, we will find ourselves at an impasse.
And that I cannot have.
Queen Elizabeth is like, super good at making threats.
Is Mary a broken record with this save Scotland thing?
But at least shes a fierce one.
