The bitch is back.
Well, first, we can thank Prince Charles for being the worst.
Young Prince Charles is sure making it difficult for Mary to find a silver lining in their betrothal.
Credit: Sven Frenzel/The CW
When Mary brings up keeping the French-Scottish alliance strong, Charles immediately assumes she means making sweet, sweetheirs.
Which, first: ew.
And furthermore: NO.
Nick is peeved he hasnt seen Francis yet.
Hes getting ancy and Mary knows thats not a good thing.
Before Mary can deal with Nicholas, she has another thorn in her side to tend to: Catherine.
Catherines been relocated to the infirmary thanks to some self-inflicted wounds.
Say what you want about Catherine, but shes committed to the cause.
Family is the best!
But, she loved Louis once, so okay, WHY NOT?
To get this from the crown, hes willing to convert to Catholicism and credit it to Mary.
It would be a big win.
Mary counters: Louis can travel safely through France if Antoine renounces his claim to the French throne.
Antoine will only talk to Francis.
Weve all been there, Francis!
They rush him back to his chambers.
So instead of talking to Lola as her king, he talks to her as Johns father.
Well, thats enough for Lola to pull Narcisse aside at Antoines welcome feast and call the engagement off.
Lolas life belongs to her son.
Are the two of them basically just floating angels on the dance floor?
Probably, but I cant be sure because I CANT SEE THROUGH MY TEARS.
Its becoming more and more obvious that Prince Charles is no King Francis.
While this magical dance is happening, Charles is alone with Constance attempting to um,make heirs.
Constance takes it, starts choking, and collapses.
Charles enlists his sisters help because, well, Claude most certainly has experience with partying too hard.
Since thats impossible, she goes for the next best thing: Narcisse.
Unfortunately, she walks in on Leith getting it on with one of her ladies-in-waiting.
Important question: WHY ARENT THESE TWO MASHING FACES YET?
Yes, Bash is still hot on the trail of Delphine, but does anyone care?
Even though this means Adios, Conde!
NEXT: The solution?
Now, Mary needs to figure out a way to force the English to rescind their offer.
The solution to her problem is clear: Sic Catherine on them.
Mary releases Catherine from prison, and the Queen Mother surprises Nicholas in his room.
Nicholas may be new to France, but he knows not to mess with Catherine de Medici.
Especially when the woman has nothing to lose.
With England out of the way, Francis and Mary meet with Antoine.
This is not ideal.
Anything includes threatening the entire country of Navarre and also killing Antoines giant guardsman.
So, sure, Antoine signs away the Bourbon claim to the throne.
She tells Francis she cant marry Charles (praise!)
and that Charles needs Catherine a woman who would do anything for her family and for her country.
Before they release Catherine, however, theres a wedding to attend!
He gives his blessing for them to wed immediately.
He wants to be there to publicly sanction the union and probably he just really loves weddings.
The newlyweds dont have much time to celebrate though.
It is as badass as it sounds.
Shes just come from her first real conversation with Francis since learning of his impending death.
Put your feet up, girl!
Outfit of the Week:Its a tie Mary and Greers gowns seen during Antoines party.
Greer is basically the Gretchen Weiners of French court now.
The Queens Corner of Harsh Lady Truths:
