Vicki spends an hour making little sense and never fully apologizing for all of her evident lies.
The funnier fluff:
Brooks dated a porn star and lied about it.
Vicki corrects this mystery womans title to poker-playing waitress.
Credit: Nicole Weingart/Bravo
An interesting mix of professions, to say the least.
Meghan tells Vicki, You look like an idiot.
Atta girl, Meggers.
Vickis not lying, and Im not going to hell.
Im going to Heaven.
Because I am saved.
Oh…
Tamra goes to church as often as [she] can…online.
Pasture Mike is on there.
To Tamra, the proper title of pastor sounds like the Mexican pork taco you eat.
Which raises the question: What is Tamra eating?
Brooks warm message to the ever-sleuthing Meghan is: F off.
The heart of the matter Brooks alleged cancer:
The million-dollar question comes early, from Shannon Beador.
Did Vicki think Brooks has cancer?
I dont have any proof he doesnt, and he wont give me enough proof that he does.
Tamra speaks for all of us when she exclaims, Oh, f me in response.
Brooks tells Andy during their NYC solo interview, I do have cancer.
He adds his treatment, chemotherapy plus holistic approaches, has got his numbers normalizing.
My lesions are gone.
This elicits a nice exasperated grunt from Tamra.
Brooks sole medical document, that janky PET/CT scan sheet, wasnt old.
I went to a different facility and the results were dictated through the first facility, he claims.
The two ex-girlfriends who accused Brooks of faking cancer before are lying, according to Brooks.
The second one, my baby momma, if you will, was also involved in that story.
Thats fine, Brooks sighs, fidgeting in his chair.
Youve got the guy in studio and on camera.
Dissect his shady and ambiguous responses, and freaking nail him, Mr. Cohen.
Shouldnt have let this slippery snake off so easily.
The whole pancreatic cancer which ended up being pancreatitis?
Thats a lie too, Brooks says, gulping his water.
Man, a lot of people around Brooks must really like lying about Brooks.
Heather says Vicki is a smart woman, so why only noncologists?
Where are the real doctors?
Vicki mentions one that didnt want to film.
), and Heather knows this doctor never saw Brooks.
Interesting, says Vicki.
You just got caught in a lie and the best you might muster is interesting?
Put a little effort in, here.
This means Brooks statement to Andy about the paperwork was a lie.
Mic drop by ShanShan.
Vicki sits stone-faced, lips pursed.
Vicki would like to clarify the Terry Dubrow IV story, meaning shes about to walk back a lie.
Take him to the ER.
You told me someone came over and gave him the IV, Shannon snaps.
Andy wants to know why Vicki lied, while Briana sighs about her mothers ghastly behavior.
Andy has to step in to fend off the hungry lions encircling the dying zebra that is Vicki.
Vicki says she saw him get chemo.
Upon further pressing, Vicki was actually in the waiting room when Brooks got chemo.
Heather tries to pin her down.
So you saw the chemo needle go in?
I had my laptop and was there for four hours.
We dont believe you, Heather says.
Vicki says no, though Tamra and Briana say otherwise.
Twice, says Briana.
Vicki defends Brooks by asking what her daughter means by that.
What, when he shook my shoulders in the hall?
Uh, yeah, wouldnt that count, Vicki??
Vicki kept thinking fixing this relationship [with Brooks] was easier than going to find my next husband.
It wasnt all bad.
Vicki has no solid response to having this hypocrisy thrust under her nose.
(Um, all baptisms are for Gods sake, Shan.)
Weve never met, and I discuss your unorthodox marriage every week.
You mad at me, too?
Vicki says, My gut says [Brooks] doesnt have it.
Also, why crap all over the other women who felt similarly skeptical, Vicki?
Again, no answer.
Andy calls out Vicki for taking half a Xanax before this taping, saying shes disconnected.
Im disinterested in all of this, Vicki flatly says.
Ive got pieces to pick up a little.
I got duped, Vicki says.
Meghan fires back that Vicki lied a lot, only to have her verb choice corrected.
I covered a lot, Vicki sniffs.
Vicki went far in admitting culpability, according to Andy, but not far enough to satisfy the women.
I dont believe you, Tamra says bluntly.
The reunion and season concludes with a round of Fireball shots because of course it does.
Did you think this was a satisfying end to the season?
Think Vicki will be back next year?
Think shes free of Brooks forever?
If you were one of the Housewives, would Vickis half-hearted apologies have been enough for you?
