The ladies get the reunion off to a slow start.
Because part one of theReal Housewives of Orange Countyreunion show needs some spicing up.
Vicki may or may not have taken four Xanax to cope with the reunion.
Credit: Nicole Weingart/Bravo
Hayley Edmonds has graduated high school and earned a dull round of applause from the Housewives.
Andy Cohen received an unprecedented amount of viewer mail as a result of this season.
The women have still not reached agreeable terms as to what working entails.
Alexis Bellino is alive and well and has access to email.
(More on this in a second.)
The issues that have not changed:
Money is a big deal to Vicki.
Vickis belief that its her place to comment on Meghans parenting.
Again she trots out, Itisdifferent when you have your own [children].
(This is where you cringe and take a deep gulp of your enormous vodka concoction.)
But [the disparity] was never talked about.
We were all equal, Vicki says.
I dont know how it works.
I dont have adopted or stepchildren.
At least youre admitting youre clueless, Vicki.
[Briana] works full time, and shes married.
My children appreciate money.
Meghan and Tamra are soul sisters.
Tamras stoked that Meghan says what shes thinking before Tamra can.
Because you will look like an ass.
When you give up and let it go, they will bury themselves.
Ah, the sweet irony.
Its perfectly acceptable to compose your own ludicrous order, no matter where you dine.
Vicki stands by her advice to the naked sushi girl: Get educated.
I got a lot of resumes for my insurance company looking to be interns.
Meghan cant resist trolling her: Sushi girls?
Vicki gets out her shovel and digs herself deeper.
She looked like a beautiful girl.
So…only ugly people should demean themselves by having sushi on their naked bodies?
And only beautiful people deserve an education?
What are you really trying to say here, Gunvalson?
Vicki still misses her mother.
In fact, the void has gotten worse.
Shannondidhave an unlisted number and her kidswerein the car when Meghan called about charity, folks.
Theyve made up, and I love Shannon, says Meghan.
Vicki believes she started the whole Housewives franchise 11 years ago, taking pride in her ownership of it.
The women are quick to correct her: You were hired to be on a show.
You didnt START the show.
Vicki still refers to the shows as mine afterwards.
Kind of wish Andy had laid the smackdown and been all, Uh, I am responsible for everything.
Meghans advice to the teen was, This is a gift youve been given by watching yourself on TV.
you’ve got the option to still tell her youre sorry.
Hayley did just that a week before her mothers passing and made peace.
Tamra breaks down while revealing her 17-year-old daughter sided with ex-husband Simon and essentially disowned Tamra.
Soon afterward, a client at Tamras gym invited her to church where she found the Lord.
Andy asks if she stands by her statement of forgiveness issued to Simon during her baptism.
I wouldnt be here, in a better place, were it not for Simon, she says.
Lastly, Andy got an email!
Whom Tamra called Jesus Jugs!
You dont get a hall pass to be baptized then continue your old, unkind, manipulative ways.
The missive was signed Jesus Barbie, in case you were curious.
Tamra says Alexis is the kind of Christian who gives Christians a bad name.
(And which jot down of Christian are you, Tamra?)
Im sorry [Alexis] feels that way.
I will pray for you.
And if she was a good Christian, Tamra says, she would not be judging me right now.
And on that lackluster bombshell, its time to end.
Whos looking forward to dissecting Brickis cancer?
