ANDY COHEN SPEAKS THE TRUTH.

Its basically like an episode of24with fur vests and vaginal rejuvenation.

Bethenny and Luann are still in their Who-Invented-Skinnygirl fight.

It sorta ends and it seems like everything is fine.

Then Bethenny calls Luann a plastic f doll, which doesnt really seem like theres water under the bridge.

Then, the battle royale begins.

I mean I have seen fights on this show before.

But this is like nothing I have seen before.

Bethenny goes in HAAAAAAARD on Luann.

She all but makes Luann do the Cersei Lannister walk of shame through the streets of the Berkshires.

Bethenny basically becomes like Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix.

She all but ignites herself on fire.

So apparently Bethennys friend saw Luann go after Tom like right after he broke up with Ramona.

She said something to the effect of, My turn!

Tom is basically the equivalent of an Upper East Side mechanical bull.

I feel like Len is the new Pickles.

I hope she doesnt disappear.

Jules actually runs out of the room because, as we learned last week, she doesnt like conflict.

Luann then starts saying that Bethenny copied her hairdo, which could be a fair point.

They dont look dissimilar.

NEXT: Meanwhile on theUES…

Bethenny goes upstairs to cool off, and Luann heads outside.

Poor Jules is trying to talk to her very ill father, but Luann has zero interest.

She just wants to discuss being called a slut.

Obvs, shes still wearing a big chunky statement necklace.

But then the Countess makes the gravest mistake: mocking the birthday cake that Dorindas mother made her.

Well, this just makes Dorinda go completely h.a.m.

So then Dorinda starts screaming about how much shes cooked and prepared and how inappropriate everyone is acting.

We then get a time stamp of 4:55 p.m. Its been less than two hours!!!!

They wouldnt even be halfway throughThe Revenantat this point!

Jules attempts to distract by asking Dorinda about her pool and wondering if they should all go swimming.

I believe its December, but okay, Jules.

Then, Luann suggests a game of charades.

Im not sure these women should be making gestures and screaming at each other but okay, Luann.

Jules invites everyone to exchange gifts.

Shes brought along a slew of games, including something called Fail.

A wee bit on the nose but I appreciate the thought.

Clearly giving zero fs, Len brings some tea to Bethenny.

As she puts it, The only thing worse than trout mouth is trout sn-.

So we then basically watch Sonja be entered by a laser-spewing dildo and wince in pain.

Back at the Berkshires, Ramona keeps changing the number of times she went on dates with Tom.

Its somewhere between 6-8, which makes me think its actually either 2-3, or like 12-14.

Ramona and Luann talk about Carole and how shes still upset that Luann called her a pedophile.

Luann then texts Carole, who again is in the next room, an apology.

Luann eventually then sends a similar text to Bethenny, who is upstairs laying down in a onesie.

This episode will go down in history.

This is the Red Wedding ofRHONY.