Luann does the walk of shame, and Dorinda still believes in Santa
The greatest season inReal Housewiveshistory continues.
Thats like the equivalent ofHamiltongetting record Tony noms.
No, of course, I mean Johns bizzaro party at his dry cleaner for Malan Breton fromProject Runway.
Credit: Bravo
But the priority is talking about the tragic Madame Paulettes party.
So two ladies arent invited to Bethennys fish egg fiesta: Sonja and Luann.
These two roomies instead head out to a midtown restaurant to also dissect the dry cleaning party disaster.
Sonja just wants to get down to the nitty gritty on Rey.
Basically, Sonja is all of us.
Luann claims they only went out a couple of times… oh and they went to Ibiza together.
Sonja calls Rey Luanns lover, which Luann completely shuts down.
But then Sonja presses her on whether she slept with him.
Luann: A lover I would call someone whos constant.
I would call him a one night stand.
!
!
!!!!!
I mean I wouldnt even call him someone to consider having sex with, but thats just my opinion.
And then she recounts the Madame Paulette fight.
But mostly she criticizes Johns hands, which are both fat and sweaty.
Dorinda then shows up so all this fat hands nonsense needs to settle down.
She and Bethenny have a quick heart to heart on Bs Skinnygirl red hall bench.
Im surprised Bethenny didnt hand her a low-cal energy bar to munch on.
Dorinda announced to the girls that shes having a holiday gathering up at her house in the Berkshires.
I mean is that a good idea?
Your bra party almost ended in bloodshed.
Maybe it will be fine as long as no one tries on undergarments?
Remember when the Countess was lecturing people on eating with the wrong fork?
Luann and Sonja both like rolling around in large fur coats since Sonja has not turned the heat on.
It is like Grey Gardens but with more sexual partners.
Luann discovers that theyre mentioned in Page Six due to the whole Madame Paulettes dust-up.
The best part is that theNew York Postcalls John a dry-cleaning magnate.
Then, Luann announces that she has sex three times a night with her new fella.
Turns out, this fella also went out with Ramona before The Countess.
Are there only like three single ladies over 50 on the Upper East Side?
Most confusingly, Jules is there.
Didnt she and Luann just meet about a month ago?
Now she merits as a close pal?
Anyway, Tom seems nice.
So finally everyone heads up to the Berkshires for Dorindas holiday party.
The big D says that she loves the holidays and still believes in Santa Claus.
So Ramona arrives first and, of course, immediately craps all over Dorindas house.
Her dog poops everywhere.
Then, Luann and her new soul mate Jules show up.
Cut to five minutes later, Bethenny comin in hot and laying into Luann.
Ramona meanwhile thinks Sonja should find some spiritualization.
Maybe Ramona can help her with that and then take her out to hear some ra-gay music.
