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Only this time, the object of his affections is a student named Hannah from a neighboring school.
Honestly, Benwill be available for purchase on March 28.Preorder it here.
Krystina Moran
Another part of me couldnt stop my heart from pounding because I was sure Id done something bad.
Id never been to Headmaster Taylors office.
I sat in the waiting room, which was all wood paneling and high ceilings and sculptures.
Krystina Moran
I opened the door.
Benjamin Carver, Headmaster Taylor said, a little too buoyantly.
Hello, sir, I said back.
I had always meant to research that to find out if it was true.
His door was generally never open.
Sit down, sit down, he said.
How are Richard and Marlene?
Um, theyre fine.
They
Right, right, he said, and my throat got tight.
I realized this was going to be bad news.
You dont greet a kid so kindly unless its some thing bad.
So I called you here with some news.
I could barely move my neck to nod.
Tell me, what do you know about Peter Pappas?
My mouth dropped open and my arms went numb.
Peter Pappas was a Natick student in the 1960s.
He was killed in service, and now a major scholarship award was named after him.
Each year, it was given to a junior who was also considered an allaround great guy.
Um, I said.
I know quite a bit, actually.
I could barely breathe.
That doesnt surprise me in the least.
Your teachers say youre studious to a fault, that you take an interest in just about everything.
Youre this years recipient of the award!
Yes, you, good sir!
I stared at his desk.
It was like I was waiting to wake up from a dream or something.
Id never won an award before.
And this one, this was a big deal.
It came with a scholarship for college.
I felt a wave of some foreign feeling sweep through my chest.
Taylor gave me a tightlipped smile and ran his hands through his graying hair.
You are very welcome, sir.
We dont take this lightly around here.
Youre a gifted young man, and you have a very bright future.
The foundation was quite pleased when they heard us talk about you.
You cant cry in moments like these, but it felt like a definite pos sibility.
I felt dizzy and light and giddy, like my body didnt know how to react.
Thanks, I said again.
Now, its provisional.
The foundation has certain requirements that must be met throughout your time at Natick.
For that reason, we will alert a runnerup.
I dont anticipate a problem, but I want to see to it youre aware.
He looked down at some papers in front of him.
Now, I saw that last semester, you took a dip in calculus.
But Ill do better this semester.
I think youll want to stay above a threepointseven to stay in the acceptable range.
Nothing could be more important than that.
Also, the foundation was really impressed with your activities.
As long as you keep playing baseball and doing Model Congress, I think youll be fine there.
He smiled at me again.
The assembly will be the Friday before spring break.
Youll give a speech, and then youll receive the Pappas Foundations fouryear scholarship.
Youll focus on that next year with your advisor.
Thanks, I said again.
Your speech should pay homage to Pappas.
You should also share a little bit about your life plans and goals.
Kyle did such a nice job last year.
I remembered the speech.
It had been very good.
Wed love it if you invited your family down from New Hampshire.
A plaque with my name and face.
Thats what I felt.
Full and deeply grateful.
I didnt want to get weird, so I just said, again, Thanks.
The Pappas Award recipient.
Back in my room, I called my parents.
Mom, I said.
I won the Peter Pappas Award.
Well, it comes with one, for college.
Partial, but still.
It goes with an allaround student award they named after this guy who died.
kind of a big deal.
Isnt that nice, Benny!
Yeah, I said, laughing.
I never won an award before.
Thats terrific, Benny.
Let me tell your father.
My throat got tight.
My mother said, Richard!
Ben won a big award!
I braced for the letdown.
I heard him say.
Let me talk to him.
He took the phone.
Whats this, Benny?
I, um, won this award.
Its not, like, a huge deal, but .
itll pay for some of my college.
I mean, theres a scholarship.
Its called the Peter Pappas Award.
Named after a guy who volunteered to fight in Vietnam and died there.
He was a great allaround kid, very popular, good athlete, good student.
Theyll put up a plaque with my name and face on it, I guess.
I heard a noise that I hadnt heard too much in my life: my dad chuckling.
Well, Ill be, he said.
Ben Carver, award winner.
I am so damn proud of you, Benny!
I couldnt help it.
I just couldnt remember my dad ever saying that before.
But I sucked my feelings down and said, Thanks.
I guess they want you to come for the ceremony.
Its the Friday before spring break?
If you’re free to, I mean.
Maybe you’ve got the option to stay over?
Stay in a hotel?
But for once I wasnt in control of my mouth.
Maybe, he said.
Maybe well do just that.
I got off the phone with this full feeling I wasnt used to in my chest.
Gonna kill the store, even.
My boy Bennys getting an award.
Im so proud of him!
I shivered.Careful,I told myself.You dont want to set yourself up for a fall.
Just not too happy.
3
A pounding on my door woke me from a deep, upright sleep.
I groaned, rolling my neck to fix a kink in it.
Blizzard Bowl, baby!
the voice yelled, and I managed a sleepy smile.
It was definitely Steve Nickelsons voice, and this was a great Natick tradition.
My freshman year, the blizzard ended during class, and wed simply walked out, no explanation necessary.
Headmaster Taylor even played with us.
Ill be right down!
I yelled, and I could hear Steve stomp off and bang on the next door.
I jumped up, suddenly wideawake, and bundled myself up in layers.
It still was a few hours before I thawed out.
this kid named Standish called over.
What up, Blood?
I tromped through the snow toward the others.
Hey, I said.
Congrats on the Pappas, Standish said, and I mumbled, Thanks.
Word had gotten out about the award sometime before lunch, and people had started to congratulate me.
I wasnt used to the kudos, and truthfully I was looking forward to that part being over.
Yeah, congrats, dude, this senior named Tommy Mendenhall said.
Tommy was shortstop on the baseball team, and last year Id played varsity third base.
Other than some monosyllabic orders on the base ball field, hed never uttered a word to me before.
Thanks, thanks, I said, picking imaginary lint off my jacket.
You ready for some serious baseball?
Big year for us.
The reason was the spring break tournament.
It was one of the reasons our basketball team sucked rocks.
Id been one of four sophomores to play varsity last yearSteve was one of the others.
But when it had come time for the tournament, I couldnt go for financial reasons.
This year, Coach Donnelly said he hoped to find some funds for me.
Whered you go over break?
asked Zack, our left fielder.
Home, I said.
Your family didnt do anything special?
I stared at Zack.
To me, being home with my family is special.
Good talk, Zack said, turning away from me.
Steve gave Zack a chestbump, and the guys started talking about the Boston Bruins.
I stretched out my still sleepy legs.
Steve came up behind me and hit my back with his forearms.
Yo, I said.
We gonna kill it this year?
Its going to be dead, I said, and he laughed.
A lot of the guys were dolts Steve included but they were my dolts.
Perhaps because it was two in the morning, only the true Blizzard Bowl fanatics had shown up.
I was teamed with Steve, Zack, and Mendenhall.
We got the ball first.
Flag, twenty yards, Mendenhall barked my way, and I nodded.
Flag meant go straight and then angle out toward the sideline and end zone.
I attempted to run through the kneehigh drifts, but it was impossible.
We started laughing as the sense memory kicked in.
The ball slipped straight through Steves hands and landed fifteen feet behind him.
You gonna tap that ass?
Fuck that bitch, yo.
That would have been helpful for me, for instance.
Because while I can hang, yo, the reason is a little weird.
When youre a big guy, people just assume you fit in.
They assume you run things, that youre in control, that you know what to do.
Ive noticed that if I dont say anything, people will continue to assume these things about me.
I get reverential nods.
I appreciate that it makes my life easier.
But it also means that people dont really get me.
They dont know whats up in my brain.
We soon tired of digging for lost footballs and gave up on the game.
I was walking with the others toward the dorm when some familiar laughter grabbed my attention.
You coming, Carver?
Toby and Albie were such a weird duo; it was as if they spoke an alien language.
And while they could be amusing, they were also annoying.
In the end there were way more fun moments than weird ones.
But that friendship was in the past, with the rest of the Rafe wreckage.
My pulse went rogue on me.
Wild, crazy, strange, nonsyncopated beats.
I felt my heart soar, and then plunge, and then soar again.
He was making a snow angel.
It had been one of the happiest days of my life.
But that was then.
I wished I could just disappear.
Snow angels have no place in an igloo community, Toby said.
Rafe kept making his arm and leg motions.
I could hear them scraping the snow.
Maybe igloos have no place in a snow angel community, Rafe yelled.
There are no communities of snow angels.
This was Albie, who was currently carving a pile of heavy snow into bricks.
We hadnt spoken since Thanksgiving, when everything blew up.
Thats when he saw me standing there, maybe fifteen feet away.
Rafe smiled, a questioning smile, like,Can we be okay, c’mon?
Part of me wanted him to burn for putting me through everything Id felt since then.
And another part of me?
No way no how did I want Rafe to think I hated him.
Congrats on the award, Albie said, and I nodded.
So cold, I said.
