And he looked and saw that the world had some problems, so he set out to fix it.
Like, a lot.
But his intentions were good, except when they werent.
Credit: Lewis Jacobs/Sony Pictures Television/AMC
We open with shots of Annville going about its down-at-the-heels business as The Time of the Preacher plays.
A countdown periodically flashes to tell us how many minutes until God.
At that moment, we see the man in question race down the street, police in hot pursuit.
Also chasing Jesse is Tulip, whos back in town.
But actually, our good preachers a guest there.
Jesse and Tulip joke and flirt as they empty a banks safety-deposit boxes while Carlos keeps watch.
Based on the banter they share over their earpieces, Bonnie and Clyde and Clyde all get along swimmingly.
Now, though, we also see Tulip bending at the waist and gasping, My baby!
as the police sirens wail.
She was pregnant and miscarried thanks to Carlos petty, spur-of-the-moment betrayal.
In the present, Jesse gets with the program and punches Carlos in the face, asking him why.
You were happy, Carlos admits.
Jesse shuts the trunk.
He takes her rejection politely while an enormous cauldron of manure boils ominously away.
Cassidy had less luck than Jesse and is sitting in lockup alongside Larry the Native American mascot.
), drunk and disorderly in Denver, lewd and lascivious in Nashville.
And in New York, attempted murder.
A crime of passion, Cass explains.
Whats weirder to Root are the dates: 1961, 1950, 1940, 1922.
Every immortal knows you have to adopt a new identity ever 40 years or so.
Thanks to Cass weird hats and some internet research, Root has put it all together.
Watching Cass suck down blood, Root asks him what Jesse did to Eugene.
Cassidy says the goodandbad news is that Eugenes still alive, probably.
Root apparently gets the point because he lets Cass go.
Jesse says nothing can bring their baby back, but Tulip still wants someone to pay.
Finally, Jesse walks into the kitchen and grabs a garbage bag and oven mitt.
Im going to hell anyway, he mutters, then opens the trunk where Carlos is cowering.
He positions the bag under Carlos head (again with the ominous tarps on this show!)
and puts the gun in the oven mitt.
Hes ready to pull the trigger, but Tulip stops him with a hug.
His willingness to kill for her is what matters.
#RelationshipGoals
Ah, but theyre not quite done.
Tulip cheerfully hands Carlos a tire iron.
she asks Jesse, who says its not and gives Carlos the gun, as well.
Then Jesse and Tulip strike an amazingly cool well mess up your world pose.
I bet they werethe bestat crime back in the day.
On Sunday morning, Betsy approaches the deputies guarding the church and rats out Jesses location.
They tear off, and she shrieks after them, You get that sumbith preacher!
(Man, what a weird show.)
Five minutes until God!
Thats cold, Em.
Then she joins Cass in the crowd as Jesse steps to the pulpit.
It isnt going to happen.
Everyone looks on, rapt, as Jesse pulls out the heaven phone and applies the angel hand.
Based on the size, Im guessing DeBlanc.)
Then a blast of light, wind, and noise fills the room.
LOOK UPON ME, booms a voice.
Its God, floating above them on a throne, fluffy beard and all.
I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD.
Jesse approaches respectfully and tells God that everyones got questions.
If we are your children, why dont you act like a father?
God bursts into laughter at Jesses moxie and starts to answer the questions shouted by the clamoring townsfolk.
Sadly, he doesnt respond to, What did you do to the dinosaurs?
although he does assure Quincannon that his daughters in heaven.
Quincannon sighs with relief.
NEXT: A town without hope
Its all too much.
The off-kilter answers, the bombastic presentation, the enormous puffy God beard.
On the contrary, God says.
Jesse saved them all.
Everyone cheers when God says he saved them all until Jesse points out that he sent Eugene to hell.
So he goes on the attack.
Youre not God, are you?
I AM THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA, God booms.
No youre not, Jesse says, and now Gods angry.
Fraud-God turns to the angels off-camera, insisting that the preacher compelled him to say that.
They roughly drag him away before breaking the connection.
In the silence that follows, the townspeople sit in shock.
Later that day, Emilys soothing her children, telling them they dont need God and never did.
Nothings changed, she repeats firmly, for them and for herself.
Noose around his neck, Larry the Native American mascot finishes a cigarette, then steps off a stool.
A pack of schoolgirls brandish the bloody sword they just used to castrate the pedophile bus driver.
Tracy Loachs mom smothers her daughter with a pillow as her son takes a selfie.
Quincannon sits in his office cradling a child-shaped bundle of meat, a stand-in for his daughter.
Betsy, dressed as a sexy Dorothy Gale, cant entice an inert Donny into any spankings.
Its beautifully rendered and horrible to watch.
That was … that wasbleak, you guys.
Sure, the Annvillians we met werent angels.
(But then, the angels on this show werent exactly angels, you know?)
And now theyre gone in a blaze of despair and methane gas.
Good news: He escaped hell, and his trunk is still there.
Bad news: Hes alone.
Cass is down for a road trip involving sex, drugs, guns, and shady characters in bikinis.
Tulips less sure about all of it.
Were just gonna like drive around shooting people, getting wasted, and looking for God?
If not, theyll kick his ass.
And with that, Tulips on board.
Looks like hell be Jesses imaginary Jiminy Cricket next season.
Outside the diner (and not just anydiner!
), Tulip has one more question.
Jesse offers to show her, then Words her to kiss him.
She does, at length, as Cass looks on from the backseat.
Thats a little non-consenty for my taste, and apparently Tulip agrees.
When they break apart, she punches him in the nose, warning, Dont ever do that again.
Oh, but were not done.
This was both an interesting and frustrating first season.
Just … just let me have that, okay?
Thats not to say that this all-American road trip will be smooth sailing.
Long story short, I cant wait to tag along on that ride in 2017.
