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Thats why the parents get constantly murdered: In a teen soap, nobodys more expendable than a parent. Screamthe TV series killed off another parent this week! For those of you riveted by the extremely long and drawn-out plotline concerning Brookes dads various mayoral improprieties… Sorta-Ghostface had other ideas, and those ideas involved a pitchfork to the heart. Credit: Eliza Morse Still, Heavenly Creatures continuedScreams late-season attempt to be, you know, scary....

There are seasons ofVeepthatve boasted a higher death rate. It was almost as though Noahs earlier reference to the torture porn of theSawfranchise was foreshadowing! Yep, you heard that right.Screamthe TV series CAN be meta sometimes. Credit: MTV In other words, torture porn killed slashers. Anyway, lets talk about Jeepers Creepers! We began with a brief montage of each of our characters dealing with the emotional fallout from Jakes death....

The bad times continued in TV’s deadliest suburb Someone has been murdering! Who has been murdering? To the best of my knowledge I have not been murdering, but anything is possible. Credit: MTV I feel like we can figure this out. Who has been doing all the murdering? But then again, quick question: Who done it? Who done all the murdering? The Swedish one has this incredible scene in which a local gal is attacked by CGI cats....

Oh right, the episode. Lets talk about it! We began in the empty, abandoned house owned by the brother of Brandon James. Credit: Eliza Morse Emma had been stalking around inside by herself for some reason (because she loves adrenaline?) and a hooded figure had appeared and spooked her right out of there! But honestly, she was technically breaking and entering so that was her bad. Had she imagined the whole thing?...

A mask-themed warehouse rave suddenly turned violent! The first season had 10 episodes, but season 2 is 12 episodes, not 10. Thats two more episodes than was originally assumed by this writer. Credit: Eliza Morse That means this weeks was not the second-to-last episode, it was the fourth-to-last episode. Because, again, this season is 12 episodes and not 10. Anyway, a girl got stabbed to death. Lets talk about The Orphanage!...

An especially disgusting episode ends with another tragic death Horror does not have to mean anything. But ultimately, larger meaning in horror is just a bonus so long as were frightened. For the most part,Screamthe TV series has failed even by that minimum standard. Credit: Eliza Morse But this thing is still called Scream, so were allowed to havesomeexpectation of terror. Fortunately, The Vanishing worked. Lets talk about it! The Vanishing wasted no time getting gross....

Having the most screentime? The cutest face and hair? The seat of power in a love triangle or square or pentagram? Credit: Eliza Morse They should know the most about whats going on and spur those around them into action. UnfortunatelyScreams main character is Emma for some reason. Oh well, at least theres still Audrey. She mightve gotten herself into an ill-advised pickle or two, but at least shesinteresting. Cant shade a show that shades itself!...

But because this isScreamand its average death toll is lower thanDowntonAbbeys,of coursenobody died. But just takingScreams mission statement at face value: WHO is the killer? Meaning that yeah, You-Know-Who is still my pick. Credit: Eliza Morse To paraphrase Stavo, Prove me wrong, show! Anyway, lets talk about this episode! But the killer didnt stop at defacing the ceiling… He or she (he) ALSO scrawled a generic threat onto Audreys mirror as well!...

MTV’s adaptation of the beloved horror franchise is back and grosser than ever Gale: Is she dead? Sidney: I dont know. They always come back. Credit: Eliza Morse Because they do; they always come back. and more Hmm lets try that again. That character was rightfully shot in the head. Credit where credit’s due: Scream killed off a major character in its season premiere. I was wrong to doubt it!....

Warning: Spoilers from theScream Queensseason 1 finale lie ahead! LEA MICHELE:I found out in New York. [Keke, Emma, and I] were atEW Fest. Credit: Patti Perret/FOX They had gotten the script. I hadnt gotten it yet because I was traveling to New York. I was like Oh, did you get the final script? … Whos the killer? And they were like, Its you. I was like, Are you serious? And they were like, Yeah, you get away with it....

And what an unexpected yet satisfying conclusion it was. And hes been involved in the scheme for quite some time. And so it was that Pete killed Roger (or was it Dodger?) Credit: Patti Perret/FOX and Boone and Gigi. (He had to squelch the source of the savagery, after all.) Pete and your Matthew McConaughey impression. All together now for old times sake:All right. Its fitting here and sets Chanel up for the next phase of her reign of terror....

And deans with an ax to grind. We open with Chanel No. 2s time on Earth. Credit: Patti Perret/Fox This is what happens when you rub uglies with my man, she hisses at the open casket. And though her remains are ostensibly cremated and shot into space (per her wishes), No. 2 isnt out of this world quite yet. No, the girls use a ouija board to communicate with her spirit....

It’s all doorbuster deals and botched cryo-murder schemes for the Kappa Kappa Taus. (Black Friday is, after all, Chanel’s second favorite holiday after Chanel-o-ween.) 99-cent infection-wreaking earrings for everyone! Credit: Patti Perret/FOX I really hope he names it Designing Detectives and sets up shop in Atlanta. And she arrives at the mall just in time to give a shot to save Chanel’s life. You see, the Kappa Kappa Taus spent the whole day (or was it night?...