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The bitch is back. Well, first, we can thank Prince Charles for being the worst. Young Prince Charles is sure making it difficult for Mary to find a silver lining in their betrothal. Credit: Sven Frenzel/The CW When Mary brings up keeping the French-Scottish alliance strong, Charles immediately assumes she means making sweet, sweetheirs. Which, first: ew. And furthermore: NO. Nick is peeved he hasnt seen Francis yet. Hes getting ancy and Mary knows thats not a good thing....

Mary helps Catherine make a play for privy council votes. It’s way cooler than it sounds. What will you do next? Credit: The CW the newly minted King Charles asks his now widowed sister-in-law, Mary. Its the same question weve all been mulling over since last weeks heartbreaking loss of Francis. Mary left Scotland for France when she was 6; it is the only real home shes known. Without Francis, shes simply the Queen of Scotland living in a country that doesnt belong to her....

Is Nostradamus the original Debbie Downer? Oh, my dear Royals. If you have yet to watch the November 13 episode ofReign, turn back now. Credit: Ben Mark Holzberg/The CW Im serious: Make like Nostradamus and say something unnerving before disappearing in a fabulous fur coat. King Francis is dead. He is dead and there are no take-backsies this time. To be honest, I enjoyed (is that the right word? Oh man, Im really going to miss that guy....

As much as Im already craving a Mary-Catherine interaction, Im admittedly very intrigued by Scotland. Scotland is going to be fun, you guys. Marys not a big fan. Credit: Sven Frenzel/The CW Bash is pretty adept with a crossbow and all, but taking on an entire Scottish clan? Even Bash understands he has limits. Welcome to the Land of Clan McPhee! Upon arrival, Mary and Bash are immediately taken to meet the infamous Munro....

Marys always been a pawn, really to her mother, to Henry, even to Catherine. But Marys proven repeatedly that shes more than willing to play the game, too. Mary is nobodys pawn, son! Credit: Ben Mark Holzberg/The CW Mary makes this fact clear right from the get-go. Liz will be very mad about it!) and find out how Marys mission went. Shes all alone in her attempt to regain control of her country....

Mary and Narcisse both get a little desperate Welcome back from hiatus, Royals! Anyone find a 16th-century sex apparatus under the tree this holiday season? Well, I guess you just werent on the naughty list. Credit: Sven Frenzel/The CW You guys, they even hold hands at one point. Francis would be so proud! But the status of Don Carlos will have to wait. Thats when Narcisse reveals just how low hes willing to go to make it keep his power....

Bash, especially, had some major badass moments. His final confrontation with Christophe almost made that whole dragged out serial killer story line worth it almost. Not today, my friends. Credit: Ben Mark Holzberg/The CW Today, Bash has a crossbow and he isn’t afraid to use it. The whole crew, including Narcisse, immediately go into damage control. There are hundreds of ways this plan could go awry, but everyone’s sticking with it....

It was undoubtedly one ofReigns clumsier threats against our queens. But it is no more! Inquiring minds want to know! Credit: Sven Frenzel/The CW But Im getting ahead of myself. Lets talk attempted regicide. Wasting no time, Dudley is already in France and proposes to Mary. Its tres romantic, you guys. Every little girls dream proposal! Mary is a boss. Post-sexual relations, Mary, her flawless hair, and Gideon finalize their plan....

Reign is back, people. We did it, Royals! We made it through that seemingly never ending months-long drought ofReign. Credit: Sven Frenzel/The CW To thank us for our patience, weve all been gifted with the news of afourth season renewal. But thats just me. How are the rest of your faring? Were you counting down the days until the castle serial killer was finally revealed? Were you really so enthralled withCSI: Bash?...

Mary’s dalliance in S&M leaves a, um, lasting impression. They said it couldnt be done. And trips over it and is impaled in the head. Credit: Sven Frenzel/The CW AND MARY AND CATHERINE ARE THERE THE ENTIRE TIME. Guys, this actually happens. You are not dreaming. Since Marys had her fair share of being hunted down by men, she politely declines. Shes more of a tea jot down of girl, anyway....

Mary makes a fatal choice. Whats the cost of a kings life? Tonights installment ofReignanswers that question and the outcome is not pretty. Credit: Sven Frenzel/The CW So, whats the cost of a kings life? Francis is sure Elizabeth knows hes dying and shes testing his power. Its on like Donkey Kong, Liz! he shouts, in my imagination. Let her treason be good for something, guys! Catherine assures him that she has the privy council under control....

See what happens when you shed a too-talky plot about evil archbishops? So many good things! He cuts her a big ol check and tells her to buy whichever army she wants. Credit: Ben Mark Holzberg/The CW Alas, where does a young queen find an army these days? Theres not, like, a catalog for this sort of purchase. Thankfully, she has her good friend Bash to point her in the right direction....

Thats the thought thats been keeping Mary Stuart awake at night. Lucky for us, Marys tossing and turning means late night run-ins on the balcony with Gideon Blackburn. Or is he, too, agonizing over the weight of selfish decisions? Credit: Ben Mark Holzberg/The CW Maybe the guys just looking for the Little Dipper. Who is to say, really? Regardless of the reason, sexual tension has returned to France. Okay, fine, Ill give it to her in this situation....