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Now, surely there are more offensive things than being giddy with newfound love. Shall we blame Luann for her levels of hysteria? Shall we blame editing? Credit: Bravo Shall we blame the incomparable nature of true love? Lets just blame Tom he seems sketchy, anyway. she squeals like a particularly husky-voiced middle-schooler. Presumably, Luann will provide her own musical talent, and we can only hope Bethenny gives a toast. Im doing fat, tipsy bitches!...

The gals of theReal Housewives of New Yorkare back. Were down one shapewear creator (Heather) but were up one Asian Jewish lady (Jules). So we open with last years rookie Dorinda back for a second season and visiting Bethennys new apartment. Credit: Bravo Its a really amazing apartment. but Bethenny calls B.S.she saw Dorinda do-rinking in the Hamptons. Shes apparently quite sunny, which will naturally not last with this group....

Ramona and Carole finally arrive as well. She cant just show up without listening to music. Finally, the ladies start making pizzas. Credit: Bravo Jules teases shes going to throw in some Percocet and Lidocaine in her calzone. Basically, Jules is PACKING drugs. This vagina injury has turned her intoJules Full of Grace. Talk once again returns to her eating disorder when she tells Carole shes 115 pounds, which is LUDICROUS....

Aside from the constant vagina talk, its just the same arguments being rehashed now. Its unclear why she requires this anime look to sell low-cal candy. Her team has also created her a clutch that looks like a giant candy wrapper. Credit: Bravo In terms of branding, all thats left is for Bethenny to tattoo skinny on her forehead. Im imaging the Sushi Roxx dancer just standing there staring at them in confusion....

Without a doubt, one of the greatest hours inHousewiveshistory. And full of both quotable lines (I made it nice!) and weird details (the spelling of Bethany in Luanns phone). Credit: Bravo So its probably a little bit of a come down that this episode isnt as dramatic. But it still had plenty of entertainment…and the Countess in a red lace jumpsuit. Try and top that,Game of Thrones! So we are back in the evil Berkshires....

Bethenny gets in a brawl with John, and Jules gives us way too much person information Scary Island. like welcome the latest drama-fueled destination to the Housewives mythology. So the episode picked up right were we left off last week at the aforementioned bra fiesta. Credit: Bravo Dorinda was still reeling from Ramona dropping the bomb about John speaking crudely about their sex life. Jules was just shocked that the elderly could behave so badly....

But clearly you have never traveled to Miami with the cast ofRHONYwhen a cheating accusation is in the air. Ramona is so shocked she runs out of the room. Moments later, we realize shes done this just to look at her expression in the mirror. Credit: Bravo They seem to turn that frown upside down. The ladies then all head to dinner in waves. The first group is Bethenny, Sonja and Ramona....

Its solid advice, and Bethennys coming from a good place when she gives it. Heres what happened during tonights exceedingly frustrating season finale. Not the Regency, Tom! Credit: Bravo So, now weve learned a little something about how LuAnn operates upstairs. After the backlash Bethenny got, why would anyone bother? NEXT: Fiestas arent for frenemies… Dorinda should never play Cupid again Poor Dorinda. Nope, nope, nope. As Dorinda herself put it before, Toms too old for that game....

Ramona stirs up trouble, just because. Do either of these women deserve the underhanded vitriol? Yeah, well, maybe so for both. Credit: Bravo But its still a little difficult to justify her complete disregard for time and place decorum. Lets take it from the top. Sonja and Tinsley Mortimer are still living together, but Tinsleys definitely got a foot out the door. She doesnt feel completely comfortable with Sonjas ways I mean, whowouldpositively respond to brown ice in the freezer?...

Why are Shannon and her gang trying to ‘hijack’ Kelly? This s is bananas; b-a-n-a-n-a-s! First we go back in time 48 hours where everything seems normal and fine. Credit: Bravo Apparently Shannon loves Marsha Brady and David is not afraid of rocking a man perm. This is also a good time to teach the children and parents some life lessons. Meanwhile, Shannon is proud because that conversation was definitive proof that theyre a close-knit family....

Shannon and Kelly enter a chilly cold war Ive deemed thisReal Housewivesepisode a palate cleanser. Did we mention Kelly made formerRHOBHstar Brandi Glanvilles famous drunken outbursts look tame while this all went down? The jury, however, is still out on whether Shannon was channeling Mrs. Roper. Credit: Bravo Did Dr. Potter get his wife on the show as part of their settlement? Is the OC really that small? The reeling continues as Shannon goes to Dr....

I personally think that after Vicki divorced Don, her self-esteem plummeted and Brooks preyed on that. And thus thats why I think shes so overly apologetic to the ladies now that Brooks is long gone. I dont think Vicki knew that Brooks had cancer. Credit: Bravo Remember how obsessed she was with getting her love tank filled by Don? Its a fix she needs for raise her self-esteem. And nope, Im not a therapist; it sucks watching therealvictim her self-esteem suffer!...

Are Kelly and Vicki destined to whoop it up together? DUM DUM DUM… so, we ended last weeks season premiere with a cliffhanger. Did Heathers plan work? Credit: Bravo Heather just knows that Vicki was part of the lie and needs her to own up to it. And round and round we go with no resolution. Vicki broke up with Brooks hes no longer around! Isnt that the real win here?...