So Im going to give you practical ways to become a celebrity and get stuff for free.
The book arrives this November.
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: When did you decide to write a book?
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We could make some money off that.
And America is begging for it.
And then, here we are.
Now the book is almost done.
How is writing it going?
Do you like to write?
Im terrible at it.
So I, again, procrastinate.
I think about all the TV shows that Im not binge-watching.
Then I think about all the craft beers that Im missing out on.
And then my friends go, Hey, shead, you should probably start writing that thing.
Howd you come up with the title?
right into the camera.
Thats quite a mouthful.
In the tradition of bands and movies with very long names, I want to break the record.
If I add some more lines to it, then I definitely will.
Theyll just make the first two pages the title.
But you have to compete with people like Fiona Apple.
She has really long album titles.
Im going to kick her ass in the title world.
How will this compare to other celebrity memoirs?
Mine is part memoir, part self-help book.
So Im going to give you practical ways to become a celebrity and get stuff for free.
Can you hint at one of those ways?
Theres how to start a celebrity feud.
Theres how to dress correctly.
Have you ever been in a celebrity feud?
And I write about it in the book.
One of the chapters is called, Eat a d, Angela Lansbury.
Thats starting the feud.
Its how you start one.
Cant wait to see what Angela says.
And its great, let me tell you.
What are the best and worst things youve gotten for free?
Ive been able to borrow cars, which has been great.
Thats been great, ridiculous.
And the worst … Im not sure what the worst things would be.
I usually just pass on them.
Or the weirdest thing.
People have been like, Wed like to come to your house and plant something.
Im like, No.
Theyre like, Come do that!
Youre gonna love that!
Youve already said youre going to start a feud in this book.
Is there any juicy gossip?
And probably a number of house pets.
Are you ready to offend all those people?
As long as it can help me get more free stuff, then Im into it.
I assume youll go on a book tour.
Will you have special guests?
You know, its Kevin Harts entourage.
I just rent them.
What else will the book include?
Howd you almost kill Chevy Chase?
It has something to do with physically fighting him.
What are you most excited for people to read?
Every single word is interesting, insightful, hilarious, and your life will be meaningless without it.
And also, the section thats in French-Canadian.
Is there anything else you want to add?
kindly buy this book because it will help pay for my childrens education.
And my terrible red wine habit.
