According to hieroglyphic evidence, there was cheese in Egypt 5,000 years ago.
But despite their budding romance, all is not copacetic along the Nile.
Egypt is in crisis.
But what about our young lovers, you ask?
But hell need Horus help to save her.
Cue the mismatched sword-and-sandal buddy-flick music.
Because its directed by Alex Proyas,Gods of Egyptshouldnt be half as silly and flat as it is.
AndKnowingwas a totally solid entry in Nicolas Cages undiscriminating baroque period.
But you would never know thatGods of Egyptwas made by the same filmmaker.
Theres no pulse beating within it.
Its razzle-dazzle hackwork thats too tin-eared and dumb for adults and too long and tedious for kids.
Its also just plain bonkers.
ButGods of Egyptis neither good enough nor bad enough to qualify as a so-bad-its-good guilty pleasure.
Its justthere, pounding you in the face with a cudgel of disposable mediocrity and schlocky videogame-grade CGI.
Thwaites is utterly generic.
Chadwick Boseman turns the God of Knowledge, Thoth, into a bitchy, eye-rolling pill.
Honestly, the best that can be said about the movie is that at least its in focus.D
