How did she get here?
(Okay fine, she was technically only playing Oscar foster mom for Anne Bancroft.
If this is some kind of karmic comeuppance for past bad behavior, she is clearly feeling the burn.
Credit: Prashant Gupta/FX
Jesus Christ, why did I say yes to any of this?
Then you will havenothing.
Be careful going up the stairs, she adds disdainfully.
So Joan decides to just hang where she is for another sippy-sip or seven.
Wait, is that even degradation, or just straight-up sadism?
Clearly, the Tucci wheels are turning.
The ones who cursed me, sued me, offed themselves.
Haha whoops, never mind!
Maybe theres still time for a No Regrets lower-back tattoo before she goes.
Shes also not going tonotwrite about it, if its true.
Not a bad way for either of us to go out, she reasons.
And the perfect final scoop for my readers.
But I would just like to keep the sun from going down a little bit longer.
So whats not to love?
But they hate each other!
And he knows that they all barely survivedBaby Jane.
Well suck it up, Bobby, because Jack, much like honey badger, dont care.
(Which, considering all the alcohol and flammable fabrics, isnt exactly out of reach.)
And thats when he reveals that hes not just a world-class dirt weasel; hes also her older brother.
Im at the end of my career, Joan spits.
Go ahead and call Lolly Parsons.
You want to ruin me?
He tells her he just wants her to remember where she came from and how lucky she is.
From where Im standing, its a new dawn!
But Bob still gets the last word!
(Its about balls.)
At the firstCharlottetable read, the ladies waste no time getting reacquainted.
You probably have plans after this to accept another award maybe the Nobel Prize on behalf of Dr. King?
Im your sworn ally, Joan replies.
Good, says Bette.
It serves us both.
Theres a fine line between art and trash, Bette warns.
And that line is plausibility.
Until that happens, shes out.
So she walks, and Joans reaction is classic: Id be happy to read both parts.
I was the golden boy everyone loved, and you were the runt Mother didnt want.
Shes tired of living her life through him, when all he really lives for is the movies.
But before she grieves, Joans got a check to cancel.
Mamacita suggests that now that shes off the hook blackmail-wise, she can extract herself from theCharlottemess.
But Joan doesnt exist without the work, she says, so guess whos still heading to Lousiana?
He finally confesses that Harriet has left him, and that hes devastated.
Im not going to candy-coat it, Bette replies.
Divorce is rough, and she would know: Ive been through it four times.
But I survived, and so will you.
But he doesnt know how to be alone, he protests.
Well be alone together, she replies.
Like a good foundation garment, she can be just the right kind of supportive sometimes.
Also, it smells like garbage.
But Joan is determined to shake it off.
Everything has the sweet smell of rot.)
When in the South, do as Scarlett OHara would do because tomorrow is another day, no?
And she will come to it with the proper positive attitude.
And so here we are are with Joan alone again, naturally.
BEST LINES
Does a Ringling Brothers elephant have a gay old time?
Hes winning awards forMy Fair Ladyand Im pimping myself out to William Castle.
Joan, on her director friend George Cukor
Let me explain something to you, all right?
Goldwyn is finished, Mayer is dead, and Selznick is just one pastrami sandwich away from a coronary.
Im the last goddamn dinosaur.
Jack, schooling Bob Aldrich on the Hollywood mogul power structure
Now shes doing television?
I mean, really.
Is that a face America wants in its living room at dinnertime?
I dont think so.
Joan explaining her philosophy on salary asks
I didnt come here for your cigars…
I came here to get my balls back.
You hear em clanking?
Bob, to Jack Warner
