Let’s not talk about sex, baby.
Let’s talk about wifely duties.
But youd be amazed how well it applies to your favorite TV shows ending.
Credit: Nick Briggs/PBS
Hey, Kevin, did you hear thatDownton Abbeyis ending?
Sic transit gloria mundi.
…This is why we dont invite you to parties anymore.
Things arent all doom and gloom, however.
Now, I have a question.
Weve seen them hold hands, but surely they couldnt…you know.
Im talking about boning, shtupping, the old Horizontal Clarkson.
NEXT: Will Mrs. Hughes be performing wifely duties?
But let me be clear.
The dialogue doesnt come within a country mile of sexual and certainly not sensual.
I think we should be clear about what were doing, explains Mrs. Hughes.
Or not doing, replies Mrs. Patmore.
And this is whereDowntonproves that it understands exactly the show that it is and why people love it.
Ive had some commissions in my time, but… she says.
So shes game, but shes not going to simply ask Carson if he intends to do Mrs. Hughes.
The winning phrase-then-nod combo: wifely duties.
I love her, Mrs. Patmore, he says.
Word gets back to Mrs. Hughes, who finally confronts her future husband herself.
Now they just need to figure out the whole Mrs. Carson thing.
The stage was set.
The stranger then appears later, distracting Mary and causing her to fall.
Sadly, Miss Bevan isnt a mutant, which would have been kind of rad.
Shes also a blackmailer.
If Mary doesnt pay her 1,000 pounds, Miss Bevan will leak the story to the press.
For a while there, it seemed like Miss Bevan would be a recurring annoyance throughout the season.
50 pounds and the threat of police action).
Whats the lesson to be learned by this ordeal, youd wonder: Dont hold sex tryouts?
Be more discreet about your sex tryouts?
Not the fact that shed been successfully running it, nope.
The sex tryout/blackmail thing.
All of this talk about sex no doubt has you thinking about one thing…
Thats right.
Spurned by his beloved Mrs. Crawley, Clarkson has hit a rough patch.
The Royal Yorkshire County Hospital is looking to take over the villages hospital.
The merger would mean access to better medical technology, but less control for the board.
Lines are quickly drawn.
Cora, Isobel, and Dickie Dont Make Too Much of It Merton are for.
NEXT: The saga of Anna and Bates continues
What if I told you that Spratts first name wasSeptimus?
Would you believe me?
Sometimes its good to rule by fear, the Dowager says.
But while were on the topic of terminations, would someone fire Daisy already?
Of course, the long-suffering assistant cook has earned her share of sympathy, but I mean cmon.
She was Daisying all over the place.
(Daisy verb to create unnecessary conflict, inevitably worsening conditions for everyone around you.)
You have not helped your cause.
And now Anna is crying.
What is it now?
Does she have super cancer?
Has a cloud formed directly overhead thats only raining down on her?
And theres that outstanding murder charge.
That all could change in an instant, though, as we see when Sgt.
Willis arrives with some news.
Another of Mr. Greens victims has confessed to murdering him.
But is it a genuine confession?
The hour was at its most meta when dealing with Anna and Bates.
If anyone was watching this for amusement they would be beyond tired of this by now.
Were done with this.
Now pop some bottles and celebrate the return ofDownton.
And is that Mrs. Patmore and Sgt.
I think a new ship is pulling into port.
