The Doctor just wants to spend Christmas with River.
Is that so hard?
What is forever to a time traveler?
Credit: Ray Burmiston/Simon Ridgway/BBC America
Sure enough, a man by the name of Nardole comes calling.
But would an alternate-timeline wedding really hold up in court?
Would any of Rivers weddings?
She doesnt care about him.
She just wants the Doctor to cut off the kings head and hand it over.
The Doctor objects not just to the murder, but to the fact that River is all for it.
That argument is put on hold when the king appears in the room with them both.
Hes been listening, and River is in trouble.
There is one bright spot: They dont actually have to kill the king to remove his head.
), the Doctor and River bag the kings head and teleport out of there.
River may not recognize the Doctor, but she is looking for him.
She parked the kings flying saucer here because this location intersects with the Doctors timeline.
(Codename: Damsel in Distress.
Apparently he needs a lot of rescuing.)
When that fails, she decides to just borrow the TARDIS, as she apparently does all the time.
Hes never noticed before.
The Doctor glares: Maybe hell notice now.
River still doesnt recognize him.
At least they can take off once the kings body is inside.
There is one key difference: Everyone here is an indiscriminate murderer.
(This is where genocide comes to kick back and relax.)
If the diary is sensational, why does she look so sad?
She talks about the Doctor like hes nobody special.
NEXT: Spoilers
Backed into a corner, the Doctor tries to bluster his way out.
The kings body incinerates Hydroflaxs head as Flemming starts his interrogation.
River admits to both knowing and loving the Doctor, but she doesnt believe that he feels the same.
When you love the Doctor, she argues, its like loving the stars themselves.
You dont expect a sunset to admire you back.
Its a pretty speech, but the best thing about it is how wrong it is.
River only has to see his face to realize that its him.
Hello, sweetie, he smiles.
This is the most I have ever liked the Doctor and River together.
They flip the banter switch.
Hush, River snaps at a confused Flemming, mommy and daddy are busy.
The firewalls of every bank in the galaxy short-circuit the kings body.
Accepting the lost cause, they dive back into the TARDIS at the last minute.
A worker is frantically looking for survivors.
The Doctor comforts him, telling him that its brave of him to try and handing him the diamond.
One condition: He has to use some of the money to build a restaurant right here.
One more trip forward in the TARDIS, and its time to eat.
He even has a present: a sonic screwdriver that looks suspiciously like the Tenth Doctors.
Shell be showing it to him in no time.
The Doctor knows what this night represents, and River has read enough stories to suspect as much.
Spoilers, he deflects when she asks if this is really their last night.
Did the Doctor really forget Clara?
He remembers what Danny told Clara in a dream, which isnt too far off from remembering her.
I wouldnt put it past him to fake forgetting to give her a clean break.
(I dont.)
But River has a different perspective: Happily ever after doesnt mean forever.
It just means time, a little time.
And they have some of that: a night on Darillium lasts 24 years.
If this is the last we see of River Song, its a fitting ending.
Its exactly the kind of bittersweet reunion that the Doctor needed after Clara.
Now go re-watch the Doctor and Donnas trip to The Library and pretend that every holiday lasts 24 years.
