I like [my sexy songs] to have boner-killer moments, jokes co-creator and star Rachel Bloom.
Im so sexy,oooh!
I wanted it to invite women in.
Credit: Scott Everett White/The CW
They cut initiate the boob, and I was just really struck by how its justfat, she says.
I felt so bad, she admits.
I bought the dancers massages afterward.
Scott Everett White/The CW
Heres how Bloom shaped up the lyrics to her filthy, funny earworm about her pair of monsters.
I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs
Dense like dying stars
I cant run real far.
I was fascinated by white dwarf stars.
Theyre so dense with material, she says.
When my boobs were getting big, I was like, These are dense!
My boobs were a burden, because when they were painful, nothing would get done, Bloom says.
It didnt feel like my body.
Years later, I realized I could hold, like, my iPhone under my boob, she marvels.
(Because production couldnt get the rights to the novel, Bloom swapped inArabian NightsandWuthering Heights.)
And yeah, thats my boobs.
Thats what my boobs are like.
The mini-lecture further helped the song spoof its inspiration: Beyonces Diva, which similarly blends singing and rapping.
Dense like a white dwarf.
Theyd be a catch at Fishermans Wharf.
How to end a song that deflates the idea of breast sexiness?
Note why they exist at all.
But I wanted to point out that theyre, like, baby faucets.Aaaandweve achieved boner-killer!
Crazy Ex-Girlfriendairs Mondays at 9 p.m.
ET on The CW.
A version of this story originally appeared inEntertainment Weeklyissue #1410, on newsstands Friday or availablehere.
