Chelsea Handler refuses to do a monologue on her new Netflix talk show,Chelsea.
How do we know this?
Because she does a monologue aboutnot doing a monologue.
Credit: Eddy Chen/Netflix
Meaning: dont call it a monologue, even though thats what it is.
Ive written books, she says, in the shows strongest comedic moment.
Ive been in movies.
Ive hosted TV shows.
Ive passed a breathalyzer.
Ive failed a breathalyzer.
Ive managed to stay happily unmarried.
Ive learned that I dont want kids no matter what fing language they speak.
Ive also managed to raise two happy and healthy dogs as a wealthy single white female.
Do you have any idea how many obstacles Ive had to overcome?
Ive avoided getting pregnant mosttimes.
Ive purchased cars for people that Ive felt sorry for.
I bought my makeup artist a horse and then I fired her.
She claims its to honor her newfound education from the show.
But if shes dispensing with late-night talk-show cliches, why would she keep the worst one?
That, right there, sums up the biggest problem withChelsea.
There are pre-recorded bits.
As a host, she only breaks the tiniest rules, like allowing her dog to wander around set.
She jokes about believing that Florida is a country.
She plays a game with King called Edumacate Me, which requires her to name all seven continents.
(Central Americas not a continent, she says, thinking out loud.
She bonds with Drew Barrymore over never having gone to college.
I think people are afraid to ask too many questions because theyre afraid of appearing stupid, she explains.
But Im okay with appearing stupid.
Knowing youre stupid is the first step to becoming smart.
Im treating this show like the college education I never got, she says.
And Netflix is giving me a full ride!
Handler clearly feels like she owes something to Netflix, which makes things awkward.
Both of the mildly amusing skits in the first episode focus on the streaming service.
One pokes fun at the Netflix algorithm that helps you choose what you want to watch.
(If you likeNarcosandLegally Blonde, youll loveChelsea!)
Its a weirdly tone-deaf moment.
Those Netflix password-sharing Millennials come from a pretty diverse background.
They arent likely to appreciate that line.
Handlers bold, ask-em-anything interview style is also weirdly soft here.
She often misses the obvious follow-up questions.
I had one teacher who really made me believe in myself!
she says, before asking about Kings teachers, largely ignoring this formative trauma in his life.
Even Drew Barrymore, Handlers real-life friend, avoids talking about anything too personal with Handler.
and bond over the fact that theyre both supporters of the sisterhood and love to read the dictionary.
Barrymore tells a cute story about learning the meaning of perspicacity from a toll booth operator.
Of all the questions she couldve asked, thats the least interesting one.
Granted, this is only the beginning ofChelsea.
Well get a better sense of the show when more episodes debut on Thursday and Friday.
Every talk show host has a tough time at the beginning.
And that opening explanation still gives me hope about how funny Handler can be.
She just needs to use her naturalperspicacityto her advantage and stop apologizing for her intellectual shortcomings.
Am I using that word correctly?
I had to look it up.
Maybe Handlers right: watching what she calls a dumb show can make you smarter.
