Take Dianes opening line of the documentary for starters: Sports.
And one of those kids who doesnt matter is Jack Johnson.
The answer to that question is complicated.
Credit: ABC/Byron Cohen
See, theres a mom hierarchy at these games, and currently shes on top.
Well that kid has his own documentary in the making: The delusions of referee grandeur.
Thats right, as Jack has taken to basketball, Junior has taken to basketball refereeing.
And in typical Junior fashion, he takes it much too seriously.
a much more intense league, Dre and Bow decide that Jack needs to be at the same level.
The thing about being a bad parent is you end up working harder for being such a failure.
But my dad doesnt work harder.
And Jacks less than excellence on the court has relegated Bow to snack mom duties.
But nothing is going to stop Dre from making Jack the best.
He wakes Jack up at 5 a.m. for the makings of a goodRocky-style training montage that Diane doesnt show.
Diane shows Dre a few of his choice parenting moments, and Dre is undeniably upset.
Dre wants Jack to know that he can compete in life.
He doesnt want to raise Jack as a quitter.
Ruby interjects that she did exactly that and it worked to Dres advantage.
If Ruby hadnt let Dre quit so many things as a child (including ballet apparently?
), he never would have found his true talents.
If I want to be the best, I have to play the best.
I look at Adonis, and I want to be that kid.
Diane ends her documentary with family updates:
1.
Jack went on to score 2.9 points per game and still reads at a first-grade level.
Dre quit 15 more things since making this movie, including two diets and lunchtime walks.
Rainbow never brought snacks again and still believes gazpacho is the king of soups.
Zoey went back to Derek when she heard he had tickets to Kendrick Lamar.
Junior started rethinking his referee career after an unfortunate whistle-swallowing incident.
Ive practically been training my whole life to have people who are loud and wrong yell at me.
Ive built up a callus.
Junior
Junior: Everybody thinks reffing is a joke.
You put on these stripes and people look at your differently.
Diane: Like you work at Lady Foot Locker.
And thats how huge life-altering decisions get made in our family pride, nonsense, and petty jealousy.
Diane
He is my brother.
Theres a chance Im Rick Foxs daughter.
Ill know for sure once I get some of his hair off the Internet.
Zoey
Not his fault.
The boys the product of too much quinoa whatever that is and not enough wholesome, Lawrys seasoned meats.
Rubys reason for Juniors weirdness
Zoey: No one has any idea what I do.
I mean, you have good grades, and you stay under the trouble radar.
The guy, hes 19.
Diane: Dudes in college.
Hes a junior in high school.
Hes a double holdback for sports.
Doesnt, but could.
