Then she pees on him.
At this point, youre already hooked, right?
SinceBillionsis essentially a two-man cage match, lets get to know our contenders.
Credit: JoJo Whilden/Showtime
Well get back to our urine-stained Giamatti later.
First lets profile Bobby Axelrod.
There, hes a calculating, narrow-eyed financial genius who loves a brisk walk-and-talk with his underlings.
Axelrod himself wasnt in the office when it happened, of course, making him the only surviving partner.
Thats just the kind of guy he is: A blue-collar kid done good.
Bobby Axelrod is Mike Tyson in his prime.
And thats because I know when the time is right.
Some would even say hes a rock star.
(On cable dramas, everyone has a right-hand man.)
So what does Rhoades office plan to do about this?
Not much, other than eat lots of take-out.
Rhoades doesnt think the time is quite right to pull the trigger on Axelrod.
Weve got to play three-dimensional chess, Rhoades says.
Axe is a folk hero in this town.
The police gave him a plaque at Ground Zero, even.
No, this is not the time to move in.
A good matador doesnt make a run at kill a fresh bull, Rhoades muses.
You wait until hes been stuck a few times.
Clearly, he ordered ham for lunch.
Its an icky job that involves a lot of chest-thumping and ego-stroking, but shes really good at it.
Tempers flare, but they eventually come to a detente.
Seated at the table is Bobbys wife, Lara.
She, like Bobby, is also a rough-and-tumble product of the outer-boroughs.
you might tell, because she says it out loud a lot.
Its how I grew up.
So there you have it.
Theyre like a family of jocks.
Rhoades is just too damn moral.
So he tries to put an idea in Axelrods head: tonotbuy that Hamptons property.
But Axelrod definitely has stuff to hide.
For instance, theres his shady off-the-books adviser known simply as Hall.
They meet dramatically in an underground facility full of pipes.
(The boiler room?)
It turns out that pressure is starting to come Axelrods way.
An FBI informant tried to catch him on tape, and that nosy reporter is also causing trouble.
Also: feed the reporter some inside information on fellow banker Stephen Birch, which would deflect attention.
Axelrods lunch with the Pulitzer-hungry reporter turns them into chums, putting Birch on the hot seat.
And Axe decides not to buy the house.
Hes making all the right moves.
But things go haywire when he runs into Rhoades and they speak face-to-face.
Remember that pissing-contest lesson Axelrod was trying to teach his sons?
We get to a live demonstration right here.
Its enough to make Axelrod snap.
Hes not some neutered dog hes a big man!
And a big man like him deserves a big house.
So he makes the purchase, negative attention be damned.
And just like that, the game is on!
Who will win the pissing contest, Bobby or Chuck?
So far, theres only one answer: Wendy, who we already sawliterallypissing on Chuck.
Thats why Im declaring her the official winner of the first episode ofBillions.
