Lets all take a moment to think about what were doing with our lives.
The only mistake is that he should be The Chad Bear.
First, theres the twins, who swear theyre both marriage material and super easy to tell apart.
Credit: ABC/Rick Rowell
Their brains, however?
Another job title Id give him: Someone I dont want to see in a workout montage.
Furthermore, he cant wait to meet Jubilee.
From the looks of those punches, he better hope Chads not showing up.
Just kidding, because we all know Chad Bear is coming to Mexico.
It says youre 26, babe.
From Lace to Daniel, the Canadian is back and in a Canadian speedo, no less.
(This just in: Daniels been asked to leave Canada forever and never look back.)
According to Daniel, hes like a disease that just wont go away, you know, like herpes.
Then again, its treatable nowadays, so its not a big deal, right?
What kind of outlook do Canadians have on STDs?
However, before things get started, Daniel feels the need to warn us about his high standards.
An eagle doesnt settle for a pigeon, right?
All scientists know eagles only date other eagles or pterodactyls, because theyre not extinct.
Fun fact: If paradise doesnt work for Daniel, he might give up on women!
Look out, Chad!
It seems Nicks really been working to reinvent himself.
Example A: His best pick-up line is now: Have you ever made out in a thunderstorm before?
Good luck resisting that, Amanda.
He made some good points, Nick says, to which I say, NAME ONE.
What world are you living in?
Because I can name 10 things that happened today that are worse than that.
Im a wolf and so far these are like poodles and little yorkies, he says.
Oh, and washed-up street dogs.
In Daniels ideal world, hed have fruit that is somehow both succulent and crisp.
And cue the twins.
For some reason, Daniel refuses to believe shes 25?
He also thinks Evans job is to make babies.
And now, for the moment weve all been waiting for, its time for Chads entrance.
Why is the water in the glasses shaking like hes a T-Rex?
And is that a tiger growling?
Chads a BEAR, guys.
Chad doesnt need money or fame.
Hes looking for a girl and hes going to be himself, rage issues and all.
IVE NEVER WRITTEN SOMETHING SO TRUE IN MY LIFE.
So if you were wondering where Daniel might look when he quits women… She says nice to meet you and their chemistry is palpable.
Were talking Julia Roberts-Richard Gere levels right there.
As for what Chad thought of those Hitler/Mussolini comparisons?
At least all those people were rich, he says.
Becausethatswhat theyre remembered for.
I didnt murder him, Chad says.
As one of the twins so intelligently asks, Are they talking about protein or meat?
Sadly, the answer is decapitation.
For the first week, the men will be handing out the roses.
Or, if youre Chad, youll find love in the form of lunch meats in the fridge.
Well, if you’ve got the option to initiate the fridge, that is.
Chads not against it, necessarily, but he does request that he gets to wear them first.
I wear them, then you could have them.
So as long as Lace is cool with hand-me-down pants, were all set.
Between makeout sessions, they proceed to call each other names and physically abuse each other.
Well, thats when Chad isnt yelling dolla dolla bills yall on repeat.
As for Lace, Chad tells her, I got money, bch.
I got money, I got muscle.
Who needs more than that?
I mean, come on, Chad!
And no, Carly.
Youre not doing anything wrong.
Instead, his instinct is to run and leave her to deal with it.
Although, after watching the clown thrust repeatedly, I dont blame him.
A few hours later, Lace seems to have had enough of The Chad.
Its as confusing as it is concerning.
As Nick puts it, I feel like God mailed it in the day he made Chad.
His heart wasnt in it.
By that, he means phoned it in, but maybe Gods a fan of mail?
NEXT: Bye, Chad?
Wait, did Chad just tell Jorge to suck a dk?
Dolla dolla bills yall!
(Maybe because he doesnt want to murder anyone?)
But when Harrison gathers everyone, its clear somethings going down.
The highlight of this confrontation?
At this point, its too late for redemption.
Also, did he fall on his butt?
Why is it so dirty?
I dont know about you guys, but Im exhausted.
