As for Chad, hes walking home.
Both are equally realistic.
Real question: Would Donald Trump let Chad across the border?
Credit: ABC/Rick Rowell
And just like that, Chad was never heard from again.
As for all those promos that made it seem like Chad was returning to paradise?
Id like to tell them to fk off for getting my hopes up.
Actually, make that three, because Leah just walked in.
Not sure who Leah is?
Impressed with the women in paradise, Leah tells Daniel shed be pretty happy if she were a man.
If I was a man, Id be pretty happy as well.
Is this our signal Daniel has officially given up on women?
Shockingly, Leah doesnt think Daniel is her dream man.
Instead, she goes for the guy with the big head.
Believe it or not, none of these sentences have been sexual.
At the house, Lace tells Jorge, and later Vinny, all about her uncertainty.
Shes worried her connection with Grant is now a moot point post-Chad.
But when Grant gets word of Laces fears, he agrees to forget all about last night.
If thats not love, I dont know what is.
But within hours of returning, Nick gets a date card and decides to ask Amanda.
Stop trying to be me, Leah says, as the twins give Leah dirty looks.
You know Leahs drunk when she says she and Amanda have very, very similar looks.
As one twin puts it: Amandas 5 million times prettier than you.
Then he says this: Im big on physical touch.
Also big on physical touch is Evan, though its not the kind of physical touch Carlys into.
And if you were wondering whether it was a super-masculine kiss, he ends it by saying, Nighty!
Literally running away from the kiss, Evan seems to think hes found his soulmate.
Carly, on the other hand, just experienced the worst kiss of her life.
I dont understand how this man has two children, she says.
Spoiler: HE HAS THREE.
Also, do you know what he does for a living?
Kissing has nothing to do with it.
But at this point, Carly still thinks something about Evan is attractive.
And yes, its the fact he has the power to hand her a rose and keep her here.
Enjoying her night, Lace decides to explore her love of both tiny bikini bottoms and Grant.
And because no one learned from Kaitlyn and Nick, Grant and Laces every word/moan is caught on camera.
Thanks to that fact, we now know Grant was on top.
How blessed are we?!
Side note: We need to talk about Leahs insane lung capacity.
Did she just blow up that entire swan on her own?!
The next night, its rose-ceremony time, and people are getting desperate.
Shockingly, that doesnt work either.
Nicks rose is going to Amanda, and thats that.
But is she an eagle?
Nick gives his rose to Amanda.
Evan enthusiastically gives his rose to Carly.
Jared saves Emily (and Haley).
That means Leah and Jubilee are headed home.
Now Leah can find Chad and become the Harley Quinn to his Joker!
The next day, Josh Murray arrives in Mexico.
Amanda asks him about the book, but he claims its all fictional.
And at this point, it doesnt affect him at all because God knows what the truth is.
But when Evan gets the next date card, Carlys fate is sealed.
As she puts it, Evan does give me erectile dysfunction.
Do they break the record?
Well, theres a seemingly unending string of drool between their mouths when all is said and done.
And if that werent bad enough, Carly heads straight to the bathroom to vomit.
My question: Why was this a record in the first place?!
Who sits around thinking, lets eat this horribly painful pepper and then make out?!
Its a Spanish word, there is no English spelling!
(Real talk: Did Lace just find her soulmate?)
Now lets just hope that was the right twin.
By the time Josh and Amanda rejoin the party, they are acting like a bona fide couple.
As far as Josh is concerned, God handles everything and Josh is going to trust His plan.
(This just in: God wants nothing to do withParadise.)
As Josh puts it, Theres lions, and theres sheep.
But do lions make noises every time they kiss someone?
Because you should probably reel it in, dude.
With that, I leave you all for less than 24 hours before we do this all again.
If you need me, Ill be walking to Tijuana.
I hear its an easy walk.
