The date card actually works!
Just ask the BTK killer.
That line almost never works.
Credit: ABC/Rick Rowell
In fact, his opportunity is so far gone, Amanda starts crying because she pities the poor guy.
Ever the optimist, Evan walks away from the conversation confident he saw a spark in Amandas eye.
Spoiler alert: That was a tear.
However, Evans optimism makes sense when you think about it.
Lets be real: 50 percent of Evans job is providing hope, no matter how false.
And if you wanted to know more about Joshs life, this is the best pizza hes ever had.
Nope, hed rather eat pizza and then regurgitate it into Amandas mouth, because sharing is caring.
(PSA: yo dont travel to beautiful Mexico and orderpizza.
Evan quickly catches up Jared on his delusion that Amanda secretly loves him, while Daniel shaves Vinnys back.
And that sentence makes it official: I dont understand men.
The obvious choices at this point are Evan and Nick.
Christian tries to convince Sarah hes the best option, but Daniel isnt far behind.
Sure, a bee totally cramps his style by trying to impregnate his chin are bees different in Canada?
but neither a bee nor last weeks Zika concern can scare Daniel away.
Hes finally ready to kiss Sarah!
Sarahs less than enthusiastic.
And believe it or not, thats not the most awkward conversation happening.
Evan warns Amanda to just be careful around Josh, which she appreciates.
But apparently, none of these people ever went to middle school.
Because Amanda tells Lace, who tells Grant, whos SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO JOSH.
He really, really hates it.
Now, a quick list of things that Josh enjoys:
But Evan thinks Joshs polish has polish.
Just when you count Evan out, he comes back with a left hook out of nowhere!
Im not sure about the connection part, but we can definitely see the AND STUFF.
Izzy gives her rose to Vinny.
Emily gives her rose to Jared.
(But as Evan knows better than anybody, sometimes it is, amirite?)
Sarah gives her rose to Daniel.
Well, hes ready to sneak back in.
Again, not at all stalker-y.
Boring Brandon packs up his things and hits the road alongside Christian.
Neither of them will be remembered missed.
Or as I remember her, the one whose fatherloves orange pants.
So yeah, he doesnt get the date.
Theres literally nothing wrong with her.
Um, did you see her throw that football?
I think theres at least one thing wrong with her.
Um, try telling that to every knight in shining armor ever.
Translation: Sucks to be Emily.
After Haley tells Emily that Jared seems nervous around her and really comfortable around Caila thanks, sis!
Jared pulls Emily aside.
And despite the fact that Emily would pick herself, Jareds not on the same page.
So Id say that door is once again locked up tight.
Evan returns to his room and passes out on his bed…and then doesnt wake up.
While Lace learns Grant has my back…and my front, Nick contemplates what hes doing in paradise.
Because right now, hes bored.
Theres moaning, theres a train ENTERING A TUNNEL, theres a flower blooming, a fountain, fireworks.
And when all is said and done, we hear poor Amanda say, Youre so sweaty.
I hope none of you were trying to eat.
Apparently, she and Jared spontaneously sleep in the same bed?
But no, nothing has happeneddown there.
All she knows is its been a year since the last season ofParadiseand shes still in love with him.
So look out, Caila.
Hope youre not scared of snot!
I will see you all tomorrow night.
If anyone needs me, Ill be ordering pizza.
The good kind…from New York.
