Yes, I mean confused.
Somehow, I dont think those two conversations line up.
And if you think Jared was flustered then, just wait until Ashley I. makes her way to paradise.
Forget your emotional well-being, Ashley, do you have the sniffling under control?!
Ashley sets a goal for herself to only cry three times total during her time in paradise.
And by the end of tonights episode, she will have cried at least four times.
1:Ashley pulls the twins aside, fully admitting that she cannot tell them apart.
Theyve never seen him so happy!
His face lit up like NEVER before!
Nobody, including you, has ever made him light up like this!
Can you tell the twins apart now, Ashley?!
Apparently, Ashley specifically asked Caila not to come to paradise because she knew Jared would like her.
(Because love is about making sure the other person misses their shot at happiness, amirite?)
But Caila, at the time, assured Ashley that Jared is so not my throw in.
), she contemplates leaving the show.
Also, why did the show make this parrot homicidal?
Who here hates parrots?!
Seriously, just take off your shoes!
Ashley asks, What happened to hes so not your key in?
I talked to him.
Still crying does this all count as one cry?
Ashley tells Jared she wants to leave.
As she logically explains it, I cant be with not someone else and you be with someone.
Furthermore, he lies through his teeth to convince her to ask Daniel because hes a really funny guy.
But Ashley buys it.
She invites Daniel on the date and he accepts, even though the date card reads love requires sacrifice.
Immediately, Daniel figures it out: Obviously theyre sacrificing a newborn calf.
Daniel eats meat, so he can lend a hand.
Getting ready for her date, Ashley stops by the bar for a little therapy session with Jorge.
Jorge is done with Ashleys crap, guys.
He had enough of it last year.
As for Ashleys Jared debacle, Jorge doesnt see the issue.
He thinks Ashleys going on a date with the more attractive option.
As he puts it, The guy youre taking has bigger boobs.
Well, you did ask a mans opinion.
Kicking off the date, Ashley asks, Other than being a Canadian, what do you do?
He eats maple syrup, of course!
Ashley avoids the question, which leads to Daniel filling the time by telling her sarcastically?
that he swings both ways.
Hes clearly joking when he says its only on Fridays.
How did Vinny thank him for shaving his back?
No longer able to avoid the elephant in the room, Daniel asks about Jared.
She thinks Daniel could be that guy, and according to Daniel, theyre really hitting it off.
As Daniel sees it, Maybe Im the right guy and I could deflower this American beauty.
Does she want Canadian sex?
Does she want some Canadian bacon with maple syrup drizzled on it?
Maybe some Canadian sausage and bacon.
Maybe she wants some Canadian poutine.
SHE WANTS NONE OF THOSE THINGS.
Also, now Im hungry.
Daniel then decides to finish his meal in silence.
So yeah, safe to say he failed that test.
NEXT: Can Jared handle the drama?
The next day, Ashleys clone Im convinced the real Ashley was sacrificed last night is very upset.Cry no.
Not to mention that weeks cant get much worse than this unless somebody dies.
That is definitely NOT the way Mexicos water makes most people feel.
Giving everyone a lesson in seduction 101, Jen uses every opportunity to push her boobs together.
Thats when she isnt gently touching Nick.
And the real kicker?
I could be mad at it, but Jen knows what she wants.
The question is: Will the crabs let her get it?
It seems Evan has been taking medication to help his ankles while in Mexico.
When a doctor sees how swollen his ankles are, she sends him to the hospital.
I wouldnt say perfect, but sure.
Evan calls this entire thing normal.
Somehow, Evans evil plan works, and Carly once again finds herself boarding the Evan train.
(Suddenly, the R train to Queens is no longer my least favorite.)
While the twins powder each others asses, Ashley gets incry no.
3before the rose ceremony.
4, talks to Nick, who is hitting her with all kinds of truth bombs.
Its an obsession, Nick tells her.
You will never be with Jared.
With that, Ashley is well pastcry no.
4and on her way tocry no.
5when she grabs a frustrated Jared.
She asks, How am I supposed to find another you?
Id say an equally difficult question is, How is Jared supposed to answer that?
I leave you with that cliffhanger.
Will Jared go home?
And whatever happened to the real Ashley I.?
If you need me before Monday, Ill be researching virginal sacrifices in Mexico.
Unlike Jared, I wont give up on Ashley.
