That stuff means more to me than any critics opinion.
I dont want the show to overstay its welcome.
Its kind of cool!
Like the James Dean of shows,very muchincluding the bisexual experimentation.
(Wiki it.)
Its uncertain, yes, but life is uncertain.
I made this show for you.
Not to get sappy, but all I did was tell people how to hold the camera.
Its you guys who gave it a soul.
(His, after his arrest, was I really messed up this time.)
Ave jams an impossible amount of textbooks into her backpack.
Shes the only one in the whole hallway who cares that the bell is ringing.
Its kind of her personal brand.
She continues, It one hundred and fifty percent sucks.
ButGod, Scarlett, you look awful.
The first stage is denial, right?
Thats half of us, writing passionate letters to the internet.
The other halfpeople I used to see on Tumblr every dayare blackballing the show and moving on.
Every Monday from eight to nine p.m., I actually mattered.
That was like my real lifeall the stuff around it was just temporary, unfortunate background noise.
We dont even know who ends up with whom.
He made the characters so real that its simply unfair just to cut us off like this.
I know youre bummed, but this means, maybe, just hear me out, that you could .
You really need to stop DVRingTo Catch a Predator.
Ave should be more supportive, considering we first became friends when she sat behind me in AP English.
I worked onLycanthropefanfics in my notebook and caught her reading over my shoulder.
I think thats why we get along.
Combined, wed be Supergirl.
No wonder theyre maladjusted; its uncomfortable seeing people try that hard, you know?
Like, we dont want to see your gears.
Its their parents fault for f logging them like the workhorse inBlack Beauty.
Take the shivering mess of Jessicarose Fallon, for instance.
They also named herJessicarose, so its hard to fault her for having the eyes of a crazy person.
In fact, a lot of the Girl Geniuses have a mash-up of two names, like Tanya-Lynn Gordonov.
Perhaps their parents were on Adderall when they named them.
If you were wondering, I have a shining 2.9 GPA out of .
Whatever Jessicarose Fallon has.
Okay, fine, Ave relents.
But have you considered maybe theyre all just your Tyler Durden?
Hes alone, as usual.
A f lesh-and-blood human, Ave says pointedly.
Youve been obsessed with him since the second grade!
Maybe he can replaceLycanthro
Dont say it.
I cant even hear the title right now; its too hard.
While the other girls at school threw themselves into boyfriends, I threw myself into shows.
Im not someone that show thinks about.
Then I foundLycanthrope High, and everything totally changed.
That sounds melodramatic, because I still have arms and legs, but everythingelsetotally changed.
Theres a diverse cast of wisecracking misfits and love triangles and saving the world and all that good stuff.
Or, you know, girls like me.
For once, we dont have to adjust our expectations to wedge ourselves into an audience.
Im just trying to get you to look on the bright side!
Did you hit your head?
We live in New Jersey.
There is no bright side.
If you want to use that expression here, you have to say, Look on the smog.
As for Melville High School, where Ave and I goits pretty much the opposite of magic.
(Some realChariots of Firestuff right there.)
Also the only member.
He told me to consider community college, and I left with a pamphlet about identifying herpes.
Im the opposite: I walk around all day waiting for a reason to suspend my disbelief.
Theres a ghost in the girls locker room?
Great; lets find out if shes a murdered former prom queen out for revenge.
The entire town of Melville, New Jersey, is directly over the Eighth Circle of Hell?
I shotty the crossbow.
When school lets out, I race back home to check my permanently openLycanthropetabs.
There are also countless culture bloggers shamelessly spamming the board with links to their immediately-churned- out BestLycanthrope HighEpisodes roundups.
Fandom is weird like that, especially on Tumblr.
I gravitated to them through their super-high-quality fics.
They were the top-readLycanthropefic writers on the board; their most popular fics had around 10,000 views.
xLoupxGaroux:Wherehave you BEEN.
Scarface:Imsorry!!
Im not quite sure why.
I think Im afraid this is the last time well all talk or something.
Nevertheless, I manage to key in:
Scarface:Imcrying,hahaha!
xLoupxGaroux: you are not literally crying.
DavidaTheDeadly:we dont all have hearts of stone likeyou, Loup
Scarface:Yes
WillianShipper2000:awwwww!
DavidaTheDeadly:last week I cried every day.
moaning myrtle of the ladies bathroom at work basically.
oh brb boss is coming
xLoupxGaroux:Whatis it today?
Ride of the Valkyries?
DavidaTheDeadly:Single Ladies.
But I actually sent it to my daughter!
Dawn E., 35.
Scarface:I cant believe we dont even know if Gillian ends up with William or Connor.
WillianShipper2000:Uhh Willian is obvs the OTP!
Willians ride-or-die for that pairing.
He wanted her to have a nice, normal teenage experience.
She started crying and said he was letting the wolf partthe part that didnt like responsibilitytake over.
The next day he showed up at her front door with a gift, a German shepherd puppy.
You were right, he said.
But now you have all of me.
I cried for a week straight.)
Scarface:Haveyou guys read any of the fix-its?
xLoupxGaroux:Somenone are particularly satisfying.
We all promise to think on it, and nobody will jump ship until weve got some ideas.
Chapter 2
My children, I begin solemnly at the head of the Parkers dinner table.
But after I fumbled secularly through it, the BS grace became a recurring joke.
I clear my throat.
I dreamed I was walking on the beach side by side with the Lord.
When I looked back, there were two sets of footprints, but other times there was just one.
Ashley, Averys sister and the bane of my existence, rolls her eyes.
I asked the Lord why this would be.
The tops of Averys parents bowed heads shake with silent laughter.
Carried you, is what I meant.
Amen, Avery and her parents say.
Aves mom looks at Ashley expectantly, and she reluctantly mutters it too.
Ashleys a popular senior at MHS.
So far, neither has happened.
Ave just stays out of it.
Even after nine years of torture, though, Ashleys prettiness still stuns me like a manta ray.
Ave is pretty too, but shes like a wilted version of Ashley with braces and slightly duller hair.
Aves mom gets up with some plates.
Thanks, Im okay.
Have you read about that?
Wheat, carbs, and sugar destroy brain cells.
Even quinoa, she says, glancing at Averys dad quickly to ensure she recited it correctly.
Professor Parker teaches a graduate class on nutrition at Princeton.
The only noise at the table is the oppressive clinking of silverware.
Little late for me, I think, I reply.
Ashley lets out a sharp breath of air from her nose, a mean, soundless laugh.
Her mom gives her a warning glare.
Just get that GPA up, and your writing will speak for itself.
Youre very talented, he continues.
I feel my face burning, especially considering I havent really written since the show went off the air.
Dawn was so pissedshe said he was trying to give me champagne taste on a beer budget.
Instead, I have a go at stop blushing and shrug likezero ss given.
Freshman year, Averys parents made her go to a fancy, expensive boarding school in Massachusetts.
One not-so-accidental crop top later, Avery was matriculated at MHS for sophomore year.
Kevin Rice, Avery mouths at me.
I forget the name.
Ashley beams as she reads the text message.
you’re free to practically hear the cartoon bluebirds chirping around her head.
He wears eyeliner, for Gods sake.
Light of my life.
Fire of my loins, I say quietly, and watch Avery snort gratifyingly into her salmon.
Professor Parker stif les a laugh, but Ashley sees his eyes are squinty and smiling.
Dad, youre being annoying.
He straightens himself out.
Its not even him anyway, says Ashley, then a little quieter: You assholes.
Language, Ashley Nicole, Mrs. Parker says on autopilot.
Buttholes, she says, then gets up and storms to her room.
If Kevins out, that means she has someone else in rotation.
Ashley, as everyone at MHS knows, has a pattern.
Ave once went in right after her, and she almost had an asthma attack.
As we pass Ashleys closed door, we hear a pealing laugh.
Even her laugh is perfect.
Whos the new dude?
Im not on whatever review board she presents her biweekly meat to.
You know who your sister reminds me of?
Ave nods, waiting.
Hot, popular valedictorian.
Secretly a three-thousand-year-old demon bent on world destruction.
That works in reverse too.
John took trope-y archetypes and turned them upside down; nobodys ever what youd expect them to be.
What happens to her?
She gets beheaded by a giant pair of ancient scissors.
Yeah, theyre the only thing that canjust forget it, okay?
She lives inside rules, angles she can draw with a protractor or determine with her graphing calculator.
Sometimes I miss having a best friend who totally gets me.
My crush on him began in second grade, which is not quite as creepy as it sounds.
Initially, the arrangement was cool only because Gideons family is rich.
(That alone was a treat.
The Maclaines eat farm-to-table; the Epsteins eat freezer-to-table.)
Then Id feel guilty for dreading it.
That was when I first started writing, trying to unravel feelings I couldnt really talk about.
I still got straight Cs and had no idea how to talk to other people.
I was afraid that would cross some invisible weirdness line.
That day, after a particularly long vintage Steve Martin binge, I finally asked him.
Is this what you want to do?
He turned bright red.
What do you mean?
sometimes think I want to.
But its so silly.
Its not a viable career path.
As far as Mr. Maclaine was concerned, anything that wasnt med school wasnt a viable career path.
Its just dumb, he said softly.
Its not dumb at all!
Its something I think about.
Not, like, a lot.
In Gideon-speak, that meantobsessively.
Why dont you try it?
Like at the school talent show, you mean?
Theres a reason why I barely say anything in class.
Do you really think anyone else from school is sitting here watching this stuff?
Maybe some of the teachers.
He smiled and glanced at the stack of DVDs.
You actually kinda remind me of her, he said.
I stared down at the carpet, crestfallen that he thought my doppelganger was Roseanne Roseannadanna.
You look sort of like her, I guessin old pictures, when shes not in costume.
you kind of think like her.
I dont know how to say it.
Your mind, or your thoughts or something, theyre just different from most peoples.
Thanks, I mumbled, goose bumps shooting up my arms and legs.
It was, and remains, the best compliment Id ever gotten.
I wish I was more like that, he said quietly.
So just try it!
Itll suck for five minutes.
School sucks for, like, eight hours a day.
I just feel like .
its all been done.
Theres nothing I can do that wont be a total knockoff of someone whos better.
I adamantly unstuck my thighs from the leather sofa.
Well, Im not letting you start high school without trying it.
Then he rolled his eyes, giving me his signature wide-eyedYoure being batslook.
Where am I gonna go, Scarlett?
This is a terrible, terrible,terribleidea.
Gideon paced in the parking lot, drenching his sneakers in dirty puddles.
I gazed up at the neon sign.
Actually, the Yuk Machine is a terrible idea, I said.
The Uk Machine is the best idea Ive ever had.
The Yuk Machine would not have seemed out of place on the set ofChildren of Men.
He was really gonna do this.
In a f lash, I was way more nervous than he was.
Nobodys, like, parents are here, right?
I got on my toes and twisted to and fro to check for nosy Melville housewives.
It gave me a little shiver.
In a good way, I realized.
the guy was saying.
Then he sighed and drank half his beer.
Gideon and I winced at each other.
At least he wouldnt be a tough act to follow.
Finally he finished, and the depressed-looking emcee came back on.
Anybody else want to try their hand at open mic night?
Oh, good, the emcee intoned in his f lat, dead voice.
Finally, some laughs.
Gideon faltered, and for a second I really wanted to kick that guy in the balls.
But Gideon ambled up to the stage and jumped on anyway, taking the mic from the emcee.
Hi, guys, Gideon said placidly.
I noticed my nervous leg-jiggling was shaking my little table.
I stopped, then unthinkingly started biting my inner cheek instead.
He took a deep breath.
So, Im forty-two, and .
shouted a drunk man in the back.
Gideon smirked, winked, and became someone other than himself.
Nice to hear I can still pass for thirty.
He paused for the giggling from various parts of the room.
My heart was pounding.
I felt like it was me up there, squinting beyond the lights.
Uh, so my parents are still together.
he said to the smattering of applause.
Gideon was totally different up there.
Relaxed, calm, self-assured.
He even looked a little taller.
But no, its a good marriage.
Of course they do fight sometimes, he continued.
Probably no more than normal.
They grew up pretty different.
Thats part of it, probably.
He grew up Irish-Italian, pretty strict family.
Hes been in therapy for a long time and gotten past a lot of that stuff.
My mom grew up as a piece of wood and some fabric, and now shes an ottoman.
He had said it so casually that youd almost miss it if it wasnt so odd.
There was dead silence, but he continued deadpan, like he hadnt said it.
Confused laughter from a few parts of the room.
I remember literally holding my breath.
Its a really romantic story.
So my dad fixes old furniture for a living.
They locked eyes across the secondhand store one day, and that was it.
He had her reupholstered, her legs polished the kind of ottoman he could see himself marrying.
I mean, of course he says that she was already that ottoman on theinside.
He just wanted her to have the upholstery to match because she deserved it.
Then suddenly, I got it.
Hewasbeing personal; he just wasnt being literal.
Isnt that a romantic story?
Big burst of laughter, sweeping Gideon along with itbut he allowed himself only a chuckle.
Gideon stopped, abruptly breaking the rhythm, and stared at a point behind me.
His face said:Oh, s. I twisted around fast.
Her hand shook a tiny bit.
The only reason she hadnt peeled off with Gideon was to wait for Dawn to come pick me up.
I wanted to prove them wrong.
You were so, so funny.
I was really nervous on your behalf, so I only laughed a few times, but .
I wanted to surprise the hell out of everybody in the room, you know?
I shook my head.
But I wasnt surprised at all.
The mutual high was fading, and we were back in our own lives again.
I hate it here, he mumbled.
I just stared at the pavement.
There was so much I could say.
But I just whispered, Me too.
He moved his head closer to mine, and it felt so right that Id already closed my eyes.
Gideon Andrew Maclaine, you get in this carright now.
Headlights beamed onto us as a second car swished through the puddles to a crawl.
A really shy car.
kindly find somewhere else to send Scarlett after school.
With that, she slid into the drivers seat of her BMW, where Gideon was already waiting.
Behind the tinted black glass, I saw he was looking straight ahead, blank.
They glided out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
I got in the car.
Dawn glared at me, shaking her head.
Dont pull this s with me, Scarlett.
I already have enough to deal with.
I didnt say anything.
Dawn yanked on the stick shift until it got into the right gear, and we headed home.
The Maclaines have the latest, sleekest cars and phones.
For the first time, I felt a wedge between us.
And honestly, just thinking that made me mad at himthat worst- case scenario Id assembled in my mind.
After that, our friendship reversedthe conversations trickled backward into generic pleasantries, then nothing.
We went from best friends to just faces that passed each other in the hallway.
I stayed the same.
Size six and five-foot-seven in heels (that I do not own).
I still wear the bras and underwear Ive worn since, like, seventh grade.
I have dark hair and gray-brown eyes.
My face is, I dont know, face shaped?
Gideon may not broadcast it like I do, but hes still weird.
I know he is.
I might miss social cues occasionally, but even I know thatWere supposed to be together.
And Gideon is like another, um .
After skimming the boardsmore bad fix-its, more nosy bloggersI decide to Gchat Loup about my problem.
xLoupxGaroux:Whatdo you mean?
You cant write anymore?
Scarface:i just sit there and stare at the screen like the missing link.
I need you guys!
You werent kidding about that PMS, were you, sweetie?
It was comfortable writingLycanthropefics because it was a pre-built world, with pre-built characters.
But maybe youre having trouble building your own because .
well
Scarface:uh yes?
xLoupxGaroux:You dont seem to get out much.
I mean, you have to LIVE for write well about life, you know?
Scarface:i get your point.
xLoupxGaroux:Dosomething crazy.
Go ask out a boy.
Scarface:oh s. no way.
I will if you will!
Scarface:its SO much worse in high school!
people talk about whos dating with such GRAVITY, like theyre talking about wikileaks.
xLoupxGaroux:If you dont Ill jump ship, swear to God.
Lots of good slash OTPs for that CW showImaginary Detectives.
Scarface:JESUS.Okay.Fine,Illdo it.
And they lived happily ever after.
Hey, I say.
He looks up from his phone.
When I dont say anything, he asks, Um, do you, like, need something?
It sucks about the show, right?
He sort of shrugs.
Sure, I mean, I watched it when it was on.
I wasnt, like, a superfan or anything.
Imagine your life without access to comedy.
Thats what it feels like.
I mean, thats boring, but at least youll eventually get called in to your appointment.
Isnt that how youd feel?
What I want to say.
What I actually say.
Ido you want to do something sometime?
The look in his eyes stops me, like I was about to say serial killers or Coldplay fans.
S. Come on, hit it one more time.
I can be articulate.
You know, like how you and I both .
His blank look makes me falter again.
I wave to vaguely indicate the hallway, the school, the town, the world.
Dont you still feel like you dont really .
A mix of confusion and annoyance clouds his face.
Why did I think this was a good idea?
I dont feel like that.
Okay, um, Im sorry.
That was a long time ago.
I mean, we havent hung out in, like .
He is so weirded out, he cant even finish the sentence.
Yeah, no, totally, I mumble, backing away.
So, Im good now.
Thanks for your concern, though.
My face feels like its on fire.
I back off and hurry away.
Oh, sorry, I mumble.
And then she takes a running leap into Gideons arms.
