The truth is that Ive been thinking a whole lot about my mom, she says.
And its stuff Im pretty sure you wouldnt want to hear.
Thats why Im not talking to you.
Credit: Chelsea Stazenski
What do you mean, stuff I wouldnt want to hear?
Well, Margaret says.
You act as if she just vanished into thin air, instead of dying painfully, scared and alone.
How do you know she died painfully?
I ask, my voice nearly a whisper.Why would she say that?
Suddenly my head feels light.
Lets just say I have my ways, she says after the pause.
Im going to bed, now.
Maybe we can…hang out tomorrow, or something.
She hasnt suggested such a thing in days.
I might be happy about the idea if it werent for the dreadful pit growing heavy in my stomach.
Underneath the table, my feet are tucked nervously against one another.
My chest tightens at the sight of her still-present smirk.
Sure, I say quietly, desperate for the conversation to end.
Whatever you say, Margaret.
She gives the top of my head a rough kiss before heading out toward the staircase.
Go to sleep, Lucy.
And stop thinking about what happened to my mother.
One way or another, death is painful for us all.
For five full minutes I sit alone at the table, too scared to move, too worried.
The notion that Margaret had anything to do with my aunts disappearance makes me physically ill.
There is no way it could be real.
Something beyond the disappearance and bigger than her jealousy over how well Penelope and I got along.
There were many instances like that, I know deep down.
Still, the memories feel stranger now, darker.
Margaret could never kill anybody.
I nearly jump out of my skin when somebody enters the room from behind me.
They are both wearing coats that are streaked with rain.
Im so sorry to startle you, honey, Miranda says.
I was just bringing Vanessa through to her room.
She arrived earlier than planned.
Despite my already-growing resentment for Vanessa, Im at least grateful for the abrupt interruption of silence.
The leftover shame simmers away slowly insidenothing happened, you did it, you stopped yourself.
I know deep down that I just got lucky.
We hated school and the people in it, but not as much as they hated us.
I soon learned it was easier for everybody if I blocked people out from the start.
Eventually we just stopped going altogether.
It was better for us, Margaret insisted, and I agreed.
Hi, the girl says, and smiles at me.
You must be Lucy, or Margaret.
Either way, Ive heard all about you.
The girl is stupidly cheerful, causing me to feel validated in my preconceived notions about her.
Does she not know the circumstances, the entire reason shes here in the first place?
Why would she grin at me like shes on fucking vacation?
I ask blankly, staring at the droplets of water falling from the ends of her dark blonde hair.
Yeah, Vanessa says, uncertainty evident in her voice as she takes in my bitter disposition.
Its been coming down pretty hard for the past hour.
The drive was a nightmare.
Oh, I say after a moment.
She shifts her weight uncomfortably.
Well, Im Lucy.
Margarets gone to bed already.
Im just about to turn in myself.
You go on ahead, honey, Miranda says softly and steps up to pat Vanessas hand.
I think she can tell how on edge I am.
I can show Vanessa in just fine, you girls chit-chat later.
Not on your life.
I say softly, and knock on the door.
I saw the new girl, I say through the door.
She came early, apparently.
Shes way too happy to be here and Im pretty sure you wont like her.
I pause, my insides turning when I remember the things my cousin said earlier.
Anyway, I guess Ill see you tomorrow.
Are you asleep already?
I fire up the door just a crack and peer in.
The fireplace in her room is lit, but the bed is empty.
But curiosity gets the best of me.
My fathers room, as well as the cooks quarters, are both down on the first floor.
Nobody lives up here.
With every step, it becomes harder to continue forward.
From somewhere in the dark ahead, I hear a sharp, short giggleMargaret.
I take a sharp breath and turn the last corner, my heart leaping at the sight before me.
She giggles again, and I turn on my heel and race back down to my room.
