What a time to be alive.
And where are we alive?
Little Rock
Kris Allen is joining us to help judge the contestants.
Credit: Michael Becker/Fox
First up tonight isCameron Richard, 15.
Hes a little nugget with a Justin Beiber haircut circa 2011.
Im obsessed with him.
Like Harry, hes from Louisiana, so they hit it off.
If he can sing, hes a four for four in my book.
He chooses Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran.
If Im shooting you straight, hes definitely not going to win.
Harry says that he looks like a young Paul McCartney.
Thats a little strong, but whatever.
He gets all three yeses, and just like that, Im crying Diet Coke tears.
Daniel Farmer, 24, is from Memphis.
He came to audition and seduce Jennifer Lopez, apparently.
He talks about looking deep into her eyes and grinding.
He chooses DAngelos (Untitled) How Does It Feel.
The struggle is: Hes stupid good.
Jennifer leans over and says, Funny and sexy go together.
Daniel did what he came to do.
He gets three yeses and the most important one of all: J. Dalton Rapattoni, 19, shows up as the modern day reincarnation of Billie Joe Armstrong.
Mark my words: Dalton Rapattoni will get super close to the top 24, if not in it.
I dont know why, but I get crazy nervous for all these guys becausethis really is it.
I need to be put back together.
Fortunately, theres nothing like a contestant with a baby to bring me back to my good place.
LaPorsha Renae(and her baby) from Mississippi waltzes into my life, and Im healed.
I know I just gave Dalton the seal of approval, but LaPorsha is in the top 12.
LaPorsha has quenched all my needs.
An audition that is undeniably worth remembering.
She glides straight to Hollywood.
I havent felt so conflicted about a moment onIdolsince Sanjayas mohawk.
Post-bathroom break, we meetMaddie McAllister, 15.
Maddie is apparently your typical country girl.
She brings a literal chicken into the audition room with her.
According to Maddie, her chickens have the biggest breasts in Arkansas.
She istoo youngfor producers to let that joke fly.
Anyway, she sings Cowboy Casanova by Carrie Underwood.
Maddie doesnt get the approval, but at least she has prize-winning chickens, right?
And instead ofLaverne & Shirley, we get aGreen Acressing-along.
But among all the posers,Trent Harmonis the farm boy you didnt know you needed.
His family owns a farm-to-table restaurant that doesnt identify as such because theyre not pretentious.
They just literally have a restaurant on their farm.
Trent calls Keith Mr. Keith, which is the sure sign of a Southern boy.
He chooses Allen Stones Unaware.
In a crazy twist, he sounds NOTHING like a country singer.
Hes also absurdly talented and has vocal control that rarely graces theIdolaudition room.
Afterward, with a thick twang, he asks, Was it ok?
Harry calls it his favorite audition of the season, and the real farm boy is going to Hollywood.
And if youre lucky, you make it to that main judging room.
And on that journey, no one has apologized more than Brook.
Brook Sample,28, introduces herself and apologizes for being awkward.
She chooses the Dixie Chicks Cold Day in July.
Her voice is understated, but for me, its a few too many notes off for a pass.
She forgets the words, wraps the song up, and then apologizes for the performance.
Ladies, we gotta stop apologizing, am I right?
She gets a golden ticket, and no joke I have no idea how.
Forgetting your lyrics used to be a capital offense, but now its hardly a misdemeanor.
Simon would have never let this slide, and Natalie Maines?
Natalie Maines would not have been ready to make nice after that.
SEE WHAT I DID?
Olivia Roxhas pink streaks in her hair because Olivia rocks.
Okay, Im so sorry; Im done.
She chooses When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars.
She hits the piano with an even slower, jazzier version.
If she stops trying to be what the judges want her to be, she could be a contender.
If she doesnt, shes out by the end of Hollywood week.
Olivia Rox is off to Hollywood…for now.
Also, she compliments Jennifers sparkles, and she says she didnt know where they came from.
Harry responds: my dressing room.
Oh Harry, youre so naughty!
But following Olivia, we see a string of girls who dominate the judging room.
Ameet KanonandKayla McKinnenprovide strong showings, but itsMelanie Tiercewho takes the spotlight with Andra Days Rise Up.
Jennifer finally says, GOOSIES!
Theres no discussion whether she gets the golden ticket because she locked it down without question.
Malie Delgado,a former Miss Alaska (!!)
She takes on Gretchen Wilsons (when was the last time you heard from Gretchen anyway?)
Her voice is raspy and raw and wonderful, and then she starts rapping.
Im not entirely sure how I felt about it, and somehow it never gets discussed.
And she needs to be, um, a brighter blue?
Regardless, shes through with the other 49 shades of blue.
Harry steps in the contestants booth and coachesBrandyn Burnetteon what to do during his audition.
He singing an original song called Lost.
The strength of an original song is that no one knows it.
The pitfall of an original song is that no one knows it.
But with Brandyn, its ultimately a positive because its a beautiful song with a relatively strong vocal.
Harry sneaks up behind him and places his head on Brandyns shoulder and goes in for an embrace.
Its what dreams are made of.
This season at the auditions, theres anAmerican Idolwall of fame.
Somehow, her entire family manages to get into the audition room.
Her parents are way too chatty, but its only because they just want Kyrsti to shine.
She chooses Mama Knows Best by Jessie J.
Its very screamy, but Jessie J is kind of screamy, too, so it works.
The whole family is promoted to Hollywood status.
Be warned, though: San Francisco is a dangerous place.
But then she just launches into how she respects her body as a temple because of Jennifer Lopez.
Then she tells Keith Urban all about the country music attitude that she accuses him of not knowing about.
She forgets the lyrics to her song.
She sings a couple lines and then stops to apologize.
It doesnt shake out as well for Sarah as it did for Brook.
She was about to retire but, as Tristan puts it, was called to serve one more time.
She chooses Why Baby Why by Mickey Guyton.
But that reading is unnecessary because Tristans mom isnt overseas.
Shes at Tristans audition.
Fortunately, we have a week to let those tears dry.
And once they do, well head to Philadelphia for a bite of cheesesteak and a side of talent.
Hold the onions and crazy costumes.
