Everyone tries to kill the Countess.
So Iris and Liz Taylor come barging into the penthouse guns blazing.
You cant let me die in this place, he says.
Credit: Ray Mickshaw/FX
Iris does him a final kindness and carries him outside.
He thanks her and calls her Mom and dies.
Liz and Iris only wanted to kill the Countess.
They walked into the room specifically trying to kill the Countess.
Naturally, they didnt kill the Countess.
Sally saves the Countess, fixing all her wounds up with her druggie medical knowledge.
Sally flashes us back to 1993, before she gave Donovan a nasty heroin overdose.
Need to repeat that, I think:SALLY DECIDES TO SEW THEMSELVES ALL TOGETHER.
Now, Sally nurses the Countess back to health.
That nursing requires the sacrificial death of her children she needs pure blood, and she sucks them dry.
Meanwhile, Iris says goodbye to Donovan, now reduced to ashes.
She tells the maid to vacuum up the residue.
Ill have him all scooped up in a jiffy!
says Mare Winningham, god willing winning an Emmy this year.
Iris and Liz need help.
They go into the prison block to free Ramona.
Ramona has thirsted on all the little vampire kids, but she needs more.
She needs to hunt.
She needs to kill.
NEXT: Exit Gaga.
Cordelia Foxx was the Supreme: The third iteration of Sarah Paulson, oft-blinded and ultimately redeemed.
At her side was whoever Taissa Farmiga was supposed to be, and Queenie, the human voodoo doll.
In the fullness of time and cinematic universes, Queenie shows up at the Hotel Cortez.
Shes there because shes going to be onThe Price is Right.
Liz Taylor knows exactly who she is.
(Apparently, in theAmerican Horror Storyverse, the Coven has gone public with TV appearances.)
Queenie gets bad vibes from her room, and then Ramona attacks her.
Or tries to: Queenies special abilities give her the upper hand.
The Price is Rightis waiting!
Queenie declares, as she prepares to deliver the killing blow to Ramona.
And right then, James Patrick March strikes Queenie dead.
You see, I am not alive, March explains, as Ramona feasts on Queenies bloodstream.
You may be a witch, says March, But Im a ghost.
So: VAMPIRE < WITCH < GHOST, turns out.
Meanwhile, the Lowe family is adjusting to a new reality.
But otherwise, theyre doing great.
Except that John Lowe comes home with a bloodbag victim for his family, and theres nobody around.
His family has been kidnapped!
He needs to satisfy Marchs mad Commandments plan: He has to kill someone who has committed murder.
Right then, Ramona confronts the Countess.
Gaga surprises everyone: She declares that she just wants to leave the Cortez with her little baby.
The Countess calls for an elevator.
The doors open and then John Lowe kills her dead, dead, dead.
He puts her head in his trophy case.
Sally tries killing John, trapping him in the Cortez, but March has bigger plans.
How all occasions do inform towards him: He finally has his lady love, trapped forever.
Or so he thinks.
The ghost of the Countess shows up, freaked out and crying.
She tells him the truth: She never informed on him.
Turns out it was Hazel.
I feel strangely free, she says.
There are more stains on heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Thats a reference toHamlet, one of the most famous ghost stories.
Fingers crossed the series finale ends with a climactic sword fight and then everyone besides Fortinbras dead!
